A cuckold story.
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It started as a normal relationship as most people have said on this forum. Then slowly and subtly changed. That change was in part down to me, because when I should have put up boundaries I didn’t.
The story spans decades.
When I met Samantha we got on really well, we just seemed to click. But she had a long term boyfriend – Jonno. Then a friend who knew her well told me that they had split up. I had sort of been working on that happening. She liked going out, liked the theatre, galleries, culture etc. He was more of an action man, blokey bloke. So, we had gone out to do these things, it was like an affair but with no sex. No with him gone I made my move.
So, I managed to get my timing right and we started dating properly. We had sex, it was good – or seemed so to me. She was clearly more experienced than me. Things were going well and when her flat mate moved out and I moved in. Our relationship became more serious but was good.
A few months in we went through a rough patch and then things suddenly got better. What I hadn’t realised was that Jonno was back on the scene. I started to suspect and then would see him near the house sometimes. We were out with friends once and she said she needed to go as she wasn’t well – but insisted I stayed out, as did her friends. I’m sure I caught a glimpse of him there. She later said she’d bumped into him on the way out.
Time passes and it is the classic scenario, I come home early from work, feeling unwell and find his motorbike in the drive and them together in the bedroom. She beats me to the indignation and tells me to go downstairs. I meekly go and they finish off and he leaves.
She admits that they are seeing each other and have been for ages, but says it is only for sex. She wants to be with me, but likes sex with him and can’t resist. We can split if I want us to she says, (it is her flat so she was giving me the option to go). I say, no I want to stay, but will she stop seeing him? No, she says, she can’t promise that.
So, we talk about sex. He is ‘both bigger and harder and lasts longer’. She needs her sex. Though she says he is an idiot, just happens to be good at this. Apparently, he resents me but knows he can’t compete intellectually and emotionally.
Yes, she will have sex with me still, of course she says. Though she adds that she knows I like jerking off, but that is fine too. But she says that when we do have sex it is sympathy sex. That it is sex is for my benefit not for hers, she needs to find fulfilment elsewhere.
So, I accept it. I don’t know why, but I’d always thought she was slightly out of my league and now I’d been found out and this was the price.
· I ask who knows? Apparently, all her friends know. Ok, I say but they shouldn’t know that I know – she agrees.
· The initial rule is that it shouldn’t be at our house – she agrees.
· That it shouldn’t be that often – she disagrees, it is her body not mine.
· He should use a condom – She disagrees, it will only be him, she wants him to be able to finish properly inside her every time.
· Not while I am in the house – she agrees.
· We’d still have sex – she agrees.
Six months later…
· Her female friends all know that I know and I know that they know, so I am properly cuckolded and they don’t see me as a proper guy now. This means that they talk about sex in front of me.
· It started off not as ours, but she’d go out and meet him and they’d come back and mess around in the lounge or the spare room. So she moved me to the spare room, so they’d have the double. So, we stopped even sleeping together.
· He didn’t use a condom, but when we did have sex she insisted that I did. (To be fair incase she had caught anything she said, as he was ‘probably sleeping around’).
· Some evenings it was agreed that I’d vacate the house. On other evenings I’d help her to get ready to go out. We would still go out together and appear as a normal couple. Even with friends it wasn’t an issue, the woman knew, but not sure if their partners did.
· We did have sex still. She declined to give me oral anymore. During sex she’d sometimes be scrolling her phone, and encouraging me to get on with it. So, I lost my sexual triggers even more. But sometimes she would be horny and ask for oral. But she would still be very affectionate with me, we’d cuddle on the sofa and often kiss me.
Over time it became a sort of menage a trois. He’d arrive have sex with her and then me and her could go out to the theatre.
Now, this went on for about 3 years. We’d be a normal couple, I knew her parents and she knew mine. We’d live a normal life apart from the sex. The only thing that started to change was the affection between us.
Then something unexpected happened. I met somebody else – Rebecca. We got on really well and when Jonno came round and I went out I went to see her. Rebecca knew I had a girlfriend, knew it wasn’t functioning but didn’t know all the details. We started to have a normal vanilla relationship and sex life, but it was an affair.
Call it a sixth sense but Samantha started to suspect something was going on. It sounds funny but she noticed I had bigger erections, or in fact had erections as I’d been limp for a long time. Eventually she found out fully and was so cross. She told me to leave and when I agreed to go she then begged me to stay. A dynamic changed in our relationship. I stayed and we had sex. It was sex like we’d had when we first met.
The deal was that she didn’t like me seeing anyone else. It was cheating. I said it was for sex and she laughed and said she pitied the girl. What she didn’t like was that I was developing an emotional attachment with someone else. The sex with Rebecca hadn’t been good, but improved. This is one of the things that gave me away, my sexual triggers had been restored, as I said she’d noticed my bigger hard-ons.
The relationship with Rebecca cooled but didn’t finish just as my relationship with Samantha soon returned to where it had been. Jonno was away for a while (in a rehab clinic) so she saw a few other men. I started going out still and she got cross, complaining that if strange men were coming round she needed me there for her protection, in case anything happened. Until she got to trust them.
Shortly after that she determined that she was pregnant, she told Jonno first. He was not happy. She told me ‘I am going to have a baby’. The expectation was that I’d fall into Dad mode, but I didn’t. I couldn’t accept it. She really wanted me to raise the child, explaining that Jonno was ‘fuckin useless’. But I couldn’t do it and so I left her.
When I say left her, I didn’t have a row or anything I just I snuck out one day with a suitcase of clothes. Samantha tried to get me to come back at first. Her father phoned me up and castigated me for leaving his daughter pregnant. I explained that I wasn’t the father, that the father was Jonno, that she’d had an ‘affair’ with him for sometime. Her father was apologetic, he knew Jonno, and said he wished it had been me.
Samantha didn’t know where I was living. I blocked her calls for a while. She turned up at my work a few times. It looked bad a heavily pregnant woman wanting to see me. In a strange role reversal every one found out the baby wasn’t mine and she was the one who experienced the shame. I regret that. Stories then went round about how I’d been her cuckold etc, and then I shared stories about her, slut shaming her. Neither of us looked good.
Even her friends understood why I wasn’t staying with her. Of course, the question was what about Jonno?
Eventually he did man up and moved in with her. It didn’t work out very well them living together and he couldn’t cope with the relationship. He even came to my work to talk to me and tried to persuade me to come back. I couldn’t now, Rebecca and I were living together.
Rebecca got a job in London and moved there, so I quit mine I needed a fresh start and followed her and found another job. I kept my social media light so as not to be found. I kept an eye on hers though. A year later she posted that Jonno had died. I did some enquiries and it had been a drug overdose, he’d always been a user, but he couldn’t cope as a father and the stress and anxiety basically pushed him over the edge.
Strange as it might seem, but I stayed in touch with her parents. They told me that Samantha had struggled as a single parent and when Jonno died it hit her hard. She missed me and said she really wanted me back. I didn’t need to explain to her parents that it wouldn’t happen. Rebecca and I were married and I kind of wanted this past of mine to be hidden and forgotten.
Things got worse, Samantha developed substance abuse problems, and the child was at first raised by the grandparents. Jonno’s parents refused to acknowledge the child, turned out they were quite well off. Eventually the child went to foster parents as they couldn’t cope. Samantha moved to Australia for a fresh start.
Twenty years later I get an unexpected email from her parents. But it went to an old email account and I didn’t pick it up straight away. Samantha was terminally ill in Australia. She was asking for me. It was her dying wish could I go and see her? Her father added that he’d pay for the flights etc. I didn’t need the money as was quite well off.
I mused over it for a day, I had children now and a new life. How could I go to Australia? How could I explain it? Why on earth did she want to see me? I replied back apologising that I’d missed the mail. Perhaps she and I could talk on the phone?
It was irrelevant. She had passed. There was going to be a Remembrance Service in the UK at some point and I agreed to go.
At the service – I went alone – some of her old friends were there. They said she had been heart broken when I’d left and always regretted letting me go and always talked of me. I was the good guy – the one who got away. But they understood my choice. I wasn’t the beta male they had know then and strangely enough I didn’t see her friends as A-List woman anymore.
Her father and I spoke. He also said that she always talked of me. He handed me a hand-written letter from her. I thought she’d written to lots of people, but no, just to me. The daughter – Lisa – had made it to Australia to see her, though didn’t really know her.
The letter wasn’t very coherent, but basically was filled with regret in having let me go. That she had always loved me. She realised that, she had liked Jonno, but never loved him, but it took a while to realise that. It had always been me. She had had a few relationships, but no-one measured up to me. She had suffered physical abuse too from a couple of different partners. She never married, never lived with anyone else, didn’t have any more children.
I was astonished.
She said she always loved me and loved me still. That she couldn’t even now apologise for her lifestyle back then, but she did regret what had happened. That if only we had had a child together how different things could have been.
I did cry. But the thing is I didn’t love her, I had to work hard to remember loving her, I hadn’t carried a torch for her or even thought about her for years. But there was a spot in my heart for her.
The daughter – Lisa – and I spoke. I said I’d known her mother around the time she was born. The girl knew little about me but asked if I’d known Jonno – her father. I said yes and tried to say some nice things about him.
Once her things had been shipped back to the UK, Lisa had gone through them and found old photographs of her mother and I. She got in touch and I explained that yes, we had lived together but it had been different. Lisa seemed well informed and said she understood some of the dynamics of the relationship. After all these years the embarrassment was coming back to haunt me.
Some months later Lisa got in touch again. She’d met Jonno’s parents, doorstepped them literally. Turns out they had taken her DNA as a baby and had it tested after Jonno had died, as they’d been told before he probably couldn’t have children (he’d had an issue with a girl before, but they never told him). He wasn’t the father and ‘so wasn’t getting any money from them’. They hadn’t told anyone about the DNA test before, as hadn’t been sure it was legal. After a row, it was agreed to do a new DNA test. It also came back negative.
Lisa asked if I was in fact the father? I laughed and said that we didn’t do sex. Lisa insisted though that we did a test. I agreed reluctantly took her DNA and sent it in, I needed to prove the negative.
The answer is obvious. I was the father. We had had bad sex one time when she had found out about my relationship with Rebecca. It must have been then. I couldn’t really remember it. But I was the father.
All those decision and outcomes, me leaving her, her setting up with Jonno, him leaving, him having depression and anxiety, his overdosing, his death, her depression, Lisa being brought up by foster parents, Samantha developing addictions, her moving to Australia, her failure to have a relationship and ultimately her early death. All these things based, not on a lie, but an assumption. That the Alpha Male had to be the father, that the Beta wasn’t.
It turned out I had a third child. As I’d sent in the DNA test and I got the result. I couldn’t believe it. At least Samantha had never known, she had assumed that the child was Jonno’s.
I panicked and sent in another test with someone else’s DNA. That of course came back negative and I shared that with Lisa.
We stayed in touch. The search for her father then came to an end. She met someone and married and they had children. I was in a quandary, these were my grandchildren, but would never know. Maybe they were my blood, as was Lisa, but I didn’t feel that I had claim on them. Her foster parents fulfilled the grandparent role and I was happy about that. Besides I was soon to have my own grandchildren. But I knew that at some point the truth will need to be shared.