So like…I just dumped my boyfriend of 2 years after fucking his (way hotter) coworker all month. Don't come at me with that "you're horrible" shit – let me explain.
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The guy was SUCH a sad puppy. Always needing reassurance, crying when I didn't text back fast enough, buying me cheap jewelry like some rom-com simp. At first it was cute I guess? But Jesus Christ, after two years of being his emotional support barbie? Exhausting.
Then came Tyler from his D&D group – 6'2", actually knows how to take charge, doesn't ask permission to grab my throat during sex. The first time he fucked me against his cubicle after happy hour? I came so hard I saw stars. My ex could NEVER.
Did I feel bad? Lmao no. Every time my ex would sniffle about me being "distant", I'd just remember how Tyler manhandled me in the supply closet that afternoon. The way my ex kept begging "what can I do to make you happy?" while I was still sore from Tyler's dick? Pathetic.
The final breakup was almost funny. He's ugly-crying snot bubbles asking why, and I just told him straight up – "You were embarrassing to fuck. Tyler ruined me for your sad little dick." The look on his face? Chef's kiss.