It's going to be a longer post as I want to describe the whole situation. Me and my bf have been in a relationship for almost two years now. Truthfully, I have never cared about a man's size in my life prior to my current bf, You could call me a lucky woman but the thing is that all of my 3 ex-bfs were packing. They were all probably somewhere around that 7 inch mark. I never realized that they had bigger than average sizes because those were the only sizes I knew. When I got with my current bf, I was honestly surprised on our first night together. Not trying to be overly demeaning or anything but he is small. Somewhere around 4 inches. Maybe even a bit smaller than that. It made a huge difference for someone like myself who is used to almost twice that size. With my exes, it wouldn't really take much time for me to cum and I would usually orgasm multiple times. With my current bf, it takes a lot of work to get me there and even then there are times when I don't get to an orgasm at all. Plus, I can only cum when I am on top. It has never happened in any other position. My masturbation frequency has skyrocketed ever since I have gotten with him. Sex is obviously a very important part for a healthy relationship. However, he is the best guy I have met in my life. We have an amazing connection on a personal level which I have never had with any person before. Leaving him because of below average sex has never crossed my mind. However, it did put a strain on our relationship. At least from my side. I am sure that he didn't notice it but I was stressed over our below average physical compatibility.
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I was going through a rough time and I regret the decision but yes, I cheated on him. It all started when I told one of my best friends about our sex life (she just kept asking about it every time we met). She told me jokingly to get a man on the side if I am going to stay with my bf anyway. If I was getting great sex from somewhere else, it would improve my relationship with my current bf. Even though it was more of a joke, it stuck with me. I was easy to convince at that time because I had such a strong desire to have one good f*ck again, that it made me crazy. I told myself that I was just going to do it once and downloaded Bumble. I had been curious about black men for some time from some porn videos I had seen. I arranged a date with a man in his mid 30s. His dick pic had me filled with so much anticipation that I would get wet just by thinking about it. 9 inches and perfectly curved! It was even bigger than anything I ever had prior. It would honestly be an understatement to call the sex just amazing. I couldn't even tell you how many times I came. That man does not only have a freakin' rocket on him, he really knows how to use it. Most of all, it felt so relieving to not focus on whether I will orgasm the whole time and just let it all flow freely with him in control. Our chemistry was perfect. He loved it and I was addicted to him on day 1. It obviously didn't stay a one time fling and what started as a once a week meet-up went quickly to four times a week. I probably would have done it even more if my time schedule allowed it. I have to admit that during that time I let my sexual lust get the better of me. It felt liberating and at the same time, I didn't care anymore if I came with my bf which improved our relationship a lot. However, after two months, I put a stop to my sexual fling. I had noticed that my sex life with him started dominating my life and my bf was starting to get sidelined. For example, if I had an invitation to have sex with him or for a date with my bf on the same day, I am not sure what I would have chosen. This scenario started to scare me and in a moment of clarity, I stopped seeing him.
Now it was back to sex with my bf and more masturbation. But hey, at least I was left with a lot of masturbation material on my phone which had accumulated in those two months. I could make do with that and the occasional orgasm I would have with my bf still left me kind of satisfied enough to just focus on other things in our relationship. One day, me and my bf were both drunk at home and he confessed to me that he is interested in cuckolding and even did it with his ex. I had never heard of this fetish before my bf confessed to me about it. Now that I look at it, there were some signs before. We were making out one time, and he asked me how my exes were in bed. I didn't want to hurt his male ego, so I just answered pretty much the same as him. On another occasion, we were watching porn together and the male actor was huge. He asked me if I would love to take a big dick like this. Again, to not hurt his ego, I just said that I am not really interested. There were more similar instances like this but I didn't have a clue what cuckold was, so I couldn't have known what he was going for. I guess I should've just answered honestly. However, I have only known men with huge egos my entire life, so I have always been a bit too aware to not say anything that would crush them.
When he told me about this fetish, I was not a fan at all. First of all, I couldn't really understand it because I am a somewhat traditional woman and have idolized Disney-type relationships since my childhood. Plus, I didn't really understand why he finds it arousing for me to sleep with other men. It was all way too confusing. After a week, the topic had already died down and we were having sex. I was just imagining that I was doing it with another man and it made me so horny that I came. It made me realize that cuckolding would allow me to get some steam off (just like when I was cheating) and it would still be consensual between both partners. There was really only a net positive in this as it would improve the only part of our relationship where my bf is lacking. He was surprised when I suddenly agreed the next day and he was really happy.
We have been cuckolding now for five months. I am more than happy that I tried it. We chose one guy online. He is white, 7 inches, incredibly thick, and he has a great body. I meet him three times a week and have sex with my bf around 2 times a week as well. I am not only happier because I get to have satisfying sex but even the sex with my bf has improved a lot. It gets us both really horny during sex when I tell him what I was doing last night. There were some things I had to get accustomed to. For example, my bf loves being degraded during sex. It was a challenge for me to be mean during sex because I am honestly not the type of person to degrade someone like that over physical appearances. But the more I did it, the wetter it got me tbh and now it's an essential part of our sex life to talk bad about his size. I have to say that it feels really liberating to say everything I always had on my mind out loud. It gets me super wet and he is way more engaged.
Well, as you read it's all going great so far. However, now I can't just stop thinking about wanting to do it with the man again with whom I had cheated on my bf. It's hard to explain it in words, other than that we had an out of this world 10 out of 10 sexual chemistry together. I don't think I will ever find a man like that again. Like I would orgasm in double digits with him. I still masturbate to the videos we made together. I would do the most just to sleep one night with him again. It's still only been five months so far in this cuckolding world for me, so I am not really sure how he would react to me cheating on him because it obviously wasn't consesual. I could just lie and tell him that I want to try another man and pretend to not know him. But I don't want build one lie upon another wrong-doing of mine. Lastly, I could just keep it going as it is. I have a good thing going on with the current man I am seeing and it's not a situation anyone could really complain about. Well, it will take a lot of willpower to suppress my desire to sleep with my preferred partner, but I think I could manage it if some time goes by. I am thinking of telling him but it also makes me really nervous because it was prior to our cuckolding agreement.