My gf has had so much more experience than me and used to that to put me down when we started dating. Even now I can’t truly satisfy her and the other month I found her talking with one of her old fuckbuddies and gaslit me into saying that it was nothing and to not get all defensive about it. While I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, it would not surprise me in the least if she’s slept with other people since we’ve been together. I also found out about her making fun of my inadequacies to other people, but I keep giving her chances.
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I try to have a backbone but no matter what I do, I secretly jackoff to the thought of her fucking other people and when I try to pound her, I keep thinking to myself “I’m not good enough” and cowardly get her off with either my tongue or fingers and she quietly doesn’t talk about my cock after. I can’t help but think all of those other guys she was with before she settled on me and how they would fuck her. I tried to talk big about how I wanted her fuckbuddy out of our lives, but deep down I know they’re still talking and that he could fuck her in front of me and there wouldn’t be a thing I could do to stop it.
Some part of me secretly likes being this spineless beta even if other people would’ve just broken up a long time ago. I was hoping to chat with someone on here that would help me come to terms with these feelings.