Hello everyone!
This will be somewhat of a chaotic story, so please forgive me if it is a bit all over the place, I kinda just got home from a psychologist and through months of work with him, I kinda learned to open up about my addiction.
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So how did it start?
Well at first, this wasn’t about cuckolding, it was about humiliation as a kink. I used to be wrestling at a young age, and idk if it is in every country, but in my home wrestling up until a certain age, is coeducational. So I used to wrestle a lot, with boys AND girl my age. God I loved losing. I lost every single time on purpose, just so I can feel the other one dominate. This at first just felt natural and good, and soon as I got old enough, it became sexual. Even after I only got to wrestle with guys due to age, I loved them just beating me and overpowering me. Sometimes it went into borderline/straight up humiliation during camps and times when the coach(es) were not around to watch.
What is the first door to being a cuck?
Being a loser who gets cheated on.
Well this part of the story will be mostly unoriginal. General stuff. I had my very first gf (still best friends with her and still obsessed with her) who, on one party, decided to fuck the class clown, because she was fed up with me being a sub. Now generally this would be the end of it, but this is where things deviate a bit. My ex was in love with me at the time, so much so that she (after she cheated and admitted in) begged me in front of the whole class to forgive her.
I did, which got a roaring applause from our classmates, obviously some claps (her besties’) were genuine, some claps (most guys in class) were sarcastic/cynical. Now this is where things get interesting. Because when I first heard that she fucked the class clown, in front of our friends, my bullies, our classmates, I did not get angry, or upset. I got horny. Now at first I did not tell her this and just went on with our lives. But then it happened again, again at a party with everyone we knew. Now this would not have been a problem, because again, I only got horny about the news, but this public forgiveness turned into more. I had to forgive HIM too. And I did. In front of everyone. This time the big applause was accompanied by some laughs as well. I felt horrible. Like I did not even matter. Which…looking back was true. This happened 3-4 more times. By the end it was basically a joke. Every time there was a party, the class clown used to send in memes about him fucking my ex at the party, or about me forgiving them, or about my ex basically using me. And these got sent into chats where there were teachers, other people outside of class. The last time she cheated was with the class clown and his best friend. This time I did not want to forgive anyone. But this is when my ex snapped and slapped me across the face and ORDERED me to forgive him, loudly.
I almost came into my pants in that moment. It was hard to hold back my arousal. There was no applause, no laugh. This time everyone just started whispering and chuckling in secret. The class clown obviously bullied me to the ground. I couldn’t do anything against him. He had an Ace up his sleeve at all times. It also didn’t help that through some of my ex’s friends word got out that I had a foot fetish and that I was a MASSIVE sub.
Now how did this trauma, turned into my addiction?
Well, my ex and I never really had sex ever again after our first cheating incident. After the 4th or maybe 5th time, I just usually asked her to tell me about the time she cheated, or tell me about the other guys she fantasized about. I fucked her foot, or got choked by her foot while I masturbated. My penis never touched anything else again. Obviously I made her cum by eating her out or fingering. But that is all. She hated having sex with me, because I was chubby, and I was panting so loud and according to her I sweat a lot, so it was more like having sex with a snail or slime. She hated my body, and every time she talked about another man, it showed. At the end of HS, she left me. I was a crying mess, begging her in the classroom to not leave me on the last day of school. But she just told me:
“Don’t worry. We will be besties still. That is what we should have been in the first place anyway…”
So after that, I never even got her feet, or her hands, or her words. All I could do is fantasize about her and other men, watch pictures of her on Insta and just wank at home.
A year of failures on both sides, but reunion came at a cost.
Well this was also with her. I said we stayed besties, we still are. During the first year of Uni, I had many MANY failed attempts and hookups/dates. Honestly one worse than the other. A crush of mine fucked a guy out in public (on the balcony) on my birthday. Another crush or mine was the ex of my friend, she just laughed at me and got with another guy about a week after detailing to me how she is not ready for anyone. Another one I fucked with, but she went out to England studying, and she basically got married there to a guy (while being with me on long-distance), another girl was studying in a rural city (I live in the capital) and she basically fucked me, told me that I am disgusting and she just threw me out so she can fuck her ex a day later and get back with him. So I needed my friends every day to get by. That included my very first gf, my ex who basically broke me into an addict for cheating and humiliation. Now, my ex had a tough time too. Every single boyfriend she got after me, was abusive, toxic, mean. They were just using her and fucking her up, mentally AND physically. Now one of the worst guys…let’s call him L, was truly a dick. He made her work, both around the house and for money, while he was basically at home, doing fuck all (he is a streamer, but in my country that is RARELY a living). So because they lived off of one salary, they needed a roommate. Enter my apartment. I lived there with my best friend for a year, but after he moved out to study abroad, my ex basically asked me if she could come live with me. I agreed because she didn’t mention L will be living with us. In that one year where me and my ex barely met, I got pretty much over her. Well all this “progress” I had just vanished the first night she slept over. L was still not there so we were alone. She walked around in my old shirt I gave her all those years ago, wearing nothing but underwear with it. We chatted and talked all night. It felt like I was in love again. Sadly things would start to turn for the worse…
Who took an L? Well I took an L, she just took all of L…
Well next day of this heartwarming reunion, L finally decided to come over. Well just a lil tour of my apartment, I have one room that is a kitchen and livingroom, one room which is my studio, and the bedroom which has a bunk bed. Because the studio is too small, and the kitchen/livingroom is too loud if someone needs to wake early, the couple slept above me. Now at first things were fine, but slowly and surely L started being more and more of a…inconvenience to say the least. He never cleaned anything, he never packed stuff back or put things back into the refrigerator, his clothes were all over the apartment. And whenever I tried talk to my ex about it, they just got into a fight and they either fucked it out of their system or she got…hit…it was heartbreaking seeing her get so much disrespect and hurt. He didn’t respect neither of us. This got out of hand as soon as he started taking my studio for his streams and he basically took over the apartment. One day, again when I was complaining to my ex she called me a loser, slapped me and told me that I should be a man and stand up to him. So I tried…
Well he basically laughed at me and told me that he needs to stream and that I can fight him about it any day. I am taller and bigger than him, but as he said that, I just sat down on the couch and looked up at him and shook my head. So he threw my stuff out of the studio and fully built his setup there.
Now that “fight” must have gotten to him too, because before that moment he was…not kind…but he was okay. He treated me as a roommate, as another guy. But he from that day on started being more and more mean, drinking my morning coffee, eating my food in front of me, he started walking around in boxers and even smoking inside (I can’t breathe when someone smokes around me). Also their sex life was pretty quiet/hidden from me, well from that moment on, they got more and more louder and more and more braver. Now it didn’t go beyond me hearing them in the bathroom, or seeing her kneeling between his legs while he streamed. He started calling me “lil bro” in front if everyone. Nothing truly bad. Well there was this one night…it was his birthday If I remember correctly, they had a party at the apartment, I worked late so when I went home EVERYTHING was mess. Most people were blacked out, I couldn’t even shower as someone was sleeping in there. So I just went to our room and got into bed. Now I was trying to sleep, they were still up, talking and laughing. Suddenly I started hearing sounds of slurps and spit. At first I made nothing of it, until I heard him groan and moan. There was a mirrored wardrobe right on opposite side of the bed. In that mirror, I saw my ex’s head bobbing up and down on his kneeled up body. Now again…I am a fatso, so seeing his MUSCULAR lean body’s silhouette was mouth-watering, no wonder she needed better men. Now the worst part was probably when they got to fucking, he grabbed my old shirt (which she used as pijamas usually) and he starts choking her with my shirt as he fucked her brains out in doggy. That whole view, of his body ROCKING against her plump, fit ass. I was jerking my mind off. Basically they shook the whole bed, so I could jerk in secret. He suddenly waved into the mirror. As he waved, in my shock, I came right then and there. He then stepped on her face while gagging her with my old shirt and fucked her even harder. I was in awe, at a loss of words or thoughts. It was like watching a god fucking an angel. I could never compare even in my dreams I would come up short. He came twice, once he came in her, and another one was shot all over her face. And then…he just left her there…laying in cum…all through the night, she squealed like a pig, moaned like a beauty, and then screamed like a cheap whore, and by the end, she couldn’t even think or speak. He came down the bed, spit on the floor in front of me, and left to go wash up. I went to sleep, knowing my place from then on. Next day, he told me to clean the apartment after the party as a birthday gift to him, and make him coffee. After his coffee, he fucked my ex all over the apartment while I was cleaning the other rooms, never letting me see.
This was the only night like this. They moved away about a year ago, yet my studio stayed untouched. He told me not to touch anything as it is his…I haven’t touched my studio ever since. They moved away, got engaged, had multiple threesomes with my ex’s friends while I am in my apartment, still sniffing the panties my ex left here and still haven’t washed the bed sheet that they used on that night. I am just…broken.
Idk If I could ever be fixed…
I just feel sorry for any girl that would like me.