I posted a month ago. Long story short, I'm friends with my fiance's ex who recently told me that he has nudes and videos from when they dated. Instead of being upset, I was surprisingly much more curious to see what videos and pictures he has of my fiance. So I asked him to pull them up.
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Some of the stuff I saw her do in those videos and some of the poses were so raunchy, I started to get upset because there were things she did with him that she's never done with me. She's never even sent me nudes before (not like I asked but still) and she's never swallowed, but here I am watching her get on her knees and do it for another guy.
Since then it's all I've been thinking about whenever I jerk off. After about a week I texted my buddy (her ex) If he could send me some of those videos and nudes to me. I made some stupid excuse like my fiance and I haven't been doing great in bed, we're trying to spice things up and some of the things that I saw in those videos could maybe help me do that. I was thankful he didn't give me much shit about it and just sent me what he had. But the issue is I don't watch porn anymore, I literally just jerk off to these videos and the idea that her ex has all this content of my future wife and there's not much I could do about it. Sometimes I even wonder if my fiance would be interested in going back to her ex and rekindling something? Maybe make more content for each other? Maybe even consumate our marriage for our wedding coming up? I mean he's going to be there, I wonder if that's something she's thought about and maybe too shy to say?
I confronted her about her ex having her nudes but she doesn't know that her ex sent me them. I kind of want it to be a secret, but I also kind of want to tell her to hear her thoughts on spending the night with him. When does someone officially become a cuck? Is it just the thoughts? Does him sending them to me make me a cuck? Or do I have to watch my fiance get fucked? And is this normal to think about?