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“But… but they saw you!” I whimpered, trying to hold back the embarrassing crack I could hear in my voice. “They all saw you!”
Amanda, not even looking up from her phone, just rolled her eyes, ignoring my distress. “Um, okay, who saw me doing what again?” She asked.
“Everyone! Carl, Roger, Dave… everyone! All my friends! They saw you out at The Red Room last night grinding against some other guy in the middle of the dance floor. They told me they saw you were making out with him and that you left together!”
“And you believed them?”
“W… well you were at that club that night! How could they have known that?”
“You’re so naive.” She said, shaking her head and setting her phone down for the first time. “It’s obvious what’s going on here. I always knew your friends hated me. They’ve been trying to break us up from the very beginning, and you’re just going ahead and letting them.”
“They wouldn’t do that!” I protested.
“Oh please, that whole group is so toxic. They’re all alone and miserable and total losers, just like you were before we started dating, and now that you’re with me and happy they want to drive us apart so they can drag you back down to their level. And congrats to them I guess, because it worked!” She dramatically dabbed her eyes at the end and began to sniffle, breaking the last of my resolve. Amanda’s tears were my Kryptonite, I always caved whenever it even looked like she might break down. I walked over to where she was sitting to hold her but she pushed me away.
“I’m sorry honey,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry. I know you would never do anything like that. They… they must have seen someone else. Someone who looks like you maybe. I should’ve known better.” But that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted total victory.
“No. They made it up to hurt me.” She said with a finality to her voice that made it clear there’d be no disagreeing. Whatever tears had been there were gone. “They’re bad for you Ben. You have to cut them off. Permanently.”
“I can’t! Honey, please, anything else. I’ve known them since we were kids.”
“And now it’s time to grow up. If my friends ever tried to insult you I’d be done with them in a heartbeat, but I guess you just don’t love me as much as I love you.”
“I do love you! You’re my whole world! I… I’ll do it. I’ll cut them off, I promise. Just please don’t be mad at me.”
Amanda’s expression softened, and she raised a hand out in front of her. I instinctively got on my knees, taking her hand in mine and planting kisses on the back of it. It was something I did after every argument, an apology ritual she instituted at the beginning of our relationship. “I know it’s hard, baby, I do. But I only want what’s best for you. I just hate to see you manipulated. Remember your family?”
I did. I had always thought I had a loving family, that they looked out for me, but early in our relationship Amanda helped me understand that I was wrong. That they were abusive, holding me back, and that for my own sake I had to get free of them. It started when I took her to meet my parents for dinner. I was so excited. I never had much luck with women growing up, and even though I was already close to 30 Amanda was my first serious relationship. I couldn’t wait to show off the woman I loved to the family I’d felt close to.
I thought the meeting had gone well, but afterwards my mother expressed concern, saying Amanda was using me, treating me like more of a servant than a boyfriend.
“That’s classic gaslighting.” Amanda explained when I told her. “It’s obvious she’s scared of losing control over you. She sees how good I am for you and feels threatened by it. She wants you alone and under her control, but we won’t let that happen, will we? I think it’s best if you don’t talk to your parents for a while. I don’t want them to have another chance to manipulate you.”
I was so grateful to Amanda for explaining this to me, for rescuing me from my abusive family. I had no idea they were like this at all. If I had missed that about them, maybe I was missing something about my friends too?
“You know, most women wouldn’t put up with a guy who had toxic friends like that.” She continued, speaking in a softer, almost hypnotic voice. I let go of her hand and she began to stroke my hair. I kneeled further down to rest my head on her thigh, nestling up against her leg like a puppy nuzzling against its master. “But luckily I’m not most women. I love you too much to let you go. You’re a good man Ben, you could be a great one, but your whole life you’ve been misled, sheltered, and manipulated by your family and your friends. Your judgment isn’t good.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, beginning to kiss up and down her leg to show I meant it.
“No, no, shh, it’s not your fault. Besides, I’m here now. I’ll protect you. Let’s just let me do the thinking for both of us from now on, okay?”
“Thank you,” I said. I looked up at her in awe. I was so grateful to her, grateful that this special woman loved me, that she cared so much about me that she’d free from those other controlling people in my life, that she cared enough to put me on the right path. She was so smart. So wise. So beautiful. So kind. How could I have ever believed anything so terrible about her? How could I have listened to those disgusting creeps I thought were my friends had to say?
“You’re right.” I told her. “You’re always right.” I pressed my head to the ground, kissing each of her feet once, an act of submission I knew she enjoyed. “You’re always right.” I muttered again. “From now on, you make the decisions. You just lead and I’ll follow. I’ll never doubt you again, never disagree, nothing. Your word is law in this house.” I pledged. Satisfied, she reached down to stroke my cheek.
“You’re a good boy when you listen.” She said warmly. “Now get up. There’s a lot of housework you need to get done today.”
And that’s just what I did for the rest of the day. I cleaned, I scrubbed, I shovelled the snow, cooked and packed up her lunches for the coming work week. I was desperate to take care of anything I had heard her mention or complain about recently, determined both to make up for my disgusting accusations earlier and to show her I was fully committed to doing things her way. I was exhausted by the time evening came, and went to find Amanda to ask what she wanted me to make for dinner when she came to me, walking down the stairs in an outfit that dropped my jaw.
Her skirt was the shortest I’d ever seen, leaving the bottom of her ass hanging out. Her tight shoulder and backless top pushed out her cleavage while leaving her midriff entirely bare. I had never seen her wear anything half this skimpy before. “I’m going to the club.” She told me. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I wouldn’t wait up if I were you.”
“But…” I started to say before thinking better of it. Maybe this was a test. I promised her I would trust her judgment, that I would let her make the decisions. Now she wanted to see if I meant it. “Okay.” I said softly. “Are you going with your friends?”
“With a friend.”
“Do I know her?”
“It’s him. And no.”
I could feel my legs turning to jelly. She’s going out dressed like that with another man? And telling me not to wait up? Is this part of her test? This didn’t feel right, but of course, as she’d so patiently explained to me, what I thought and felt didn’t matter. My judgment was off. I had to just trust her. A smug grin came across her face as she watched me squirm, trying to think of what to say. I ultimately decided to keep my concerns to myself, like I knew I was supposed to. “Okay” I said again, weaker this time.
“That’s okay with you isn’t it?” She knew she had won when I decided to say nothing, and now wanted to rub that victory in my face.
I just shook my head, staring at the floor. I finally forced myself to look her in the eye. She looked so confident. So victorious. So proud. I all but ran to her, wrapping my arms around her, burying my head in her neck in one more act of surrender. “Go out whenever you want. Go with whoever you want. Be as late as you want. Anything you do is okay with me, I promise. Anything. I love you Amanda. I trust you. Just…” I paused for a few seconds to catch my breath. “Just come back. You’ll come back to me, right?”
She looked at me, then gifted me a rare genuine smile, the first I’d seen from her all day. I think the totality of my capitulation had surprised her. “Of course I will.” She said brightly. She kissed my cheek before prying my arms off of her and turning toward the door. “But now it’s time for me to go. You’ll be good for me here, won’t you?”
“I’ll be good.” I promised, with an earnestness that made her giggle. She finished putting on her shoes, turned around, and gave me a wink. And then she was gone.