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Part one:
Part Two:
Before I continue, I should probably tell you more about why I’m writing this. I feel like I’m at a crossroads of sorts. My therapist thinks writing it all out will help me see my way through. I’m only good at writing for an audience. It makes things more real. So hello, stranger.
I’ve always identified as the nice girl. I’m a people pleaser. It all comes back to having controlling parents, yada yada. So I’ve always strived to be there for everyone, to always be kind, to put other’s needs before mine. Deep in my mind I always it didn’t feel right.
Of course Sarah has been telling me this for years. She thinks I only got with Jay because he’s not strong enough to demand things of me. Of course she calls him a “beta.” It’s harsh, but she’s not wrong. And her point is that part of me wants to put my own pleasure first at this point in my life. Jay is a giver. It works for me emotionally.
The problem, as I’ve mentioned, is the sex. And that part of me is awakened in a way it never has been before. Even in my slutty college days, that was more just what you did. Aside from a couple of guys who were, let’s say talented and exceedingly equipped, I was never that into it. Lately, I’ve been thinking about those guys, and picturing Jay next to them, and the whole thing is just pressing buttons that have never been pressed before.
What I’m saying is that I think I need a change. But it’s scary, and the sweetheart in me, as my dad always called me, is ashamed of these desires and dirty and sometimes cruel thoughts.
And that brings me back to the gathering, where such thoughts started to take over, all because of the presence of this sexy ass bully, Dominic.