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All of us are 29.
Me and my wife, let’s call her Emily for now, have been together for about 10 years now, married for 4. In the past few years, since we have a very comfortable life, things started to get boring. There isn’t much excitement being with the other, we know what’s going on, work isn’t interesting, and since expanding the family isn’t in the planning either, not much to look forward to. So we started to pick up hobbies, some together, but mostly separately.
Enter Joe. He’s our mutual friend, fake name of course. Emily has always been close friends with him, they started bouldering a lot together, and got a friend group there, and they hang out without me. I have my own group, so nothing wrong there.
Now, about 7-8 months ago, I started to feel suspicious about them. I don’t know what ticked me off, but something felt weird. I hushed it away, but I kept thinking about it. They texted a lot, and I mean a LOT. This was the same before, but she acted a bit differently, I don’t know. I thought I was jealous, since she doesn’t spend that much time with me, so I didn’t say anything.
A month or two later though, she said they go bouldering, and then the group hangs out after, just as they do every friday. But the next week, she said they just hang out, didn’t mention the bouldering at all. I know it could’ve been an accident, but that ticked me off. It kept gnawing at me, but I didn’t want to confront her over nothing, so next friday, when they hung out, I opened her laptop, and read their messages. I wanted to find nothing, but it turns out they have been having an affair for a long while now.
I felt really bad after that, crushed. I didn’t know how to confront her, I just didn’t talk to her for a few weeks. I just couldn’t decide what to do. I went out more often, and every time she asked me if something’s wrong, I just told her I was tired from work. I knew confronting her would make a huge dent in our relationship, and that I didn’t want to leave her. And after reading through her messages, and knowing she didn’t want to leave me for him either, I just decided not to confront her.
So this is my situation for the past months. I’ve been reading their messages every friday, and by this point, I’m looking forward to it. I have some favourites, and I grew to enjoy finding some sexy out of the blue messages, and looking back our calendar to figure out the context.
I have read back a lot, and I found out some interesting stuff:
- They have been doing this for almost two years, for most of that time Joe was in a relationship too.
- I think they started it at a party, right after Joe broke up with his ex. I remember they went to a quiet place so they could talk about it, and the first “act normal goddammit” messages start after that party.
- They had a few months of break, when Joe got together with his now-ex, and they had a huge fight, because Emily had sex with someone else (once) in this period. I have no idea who this person is, and I didn’t find much clue.
- They had a no-kiss rule, but by now, it’s certainly not in effect.
- They only ever slept together once, this Christmas, at Joe’s place, since Emily felt it wasn’t appropriate to sleep together with Joe in our marital bed. But they certainly had sex in our flat, and it was probably in our bed, but I’m not sure about this. I was on a teambuilding event when this happened.
I’m curious what you think about this, I don’t plan on confronting her most of the days, but sometimes, I feel devastated. Fridays grew to be my favourite days, but saturdays suck, when I know they fooled around the day before, and she has that skip in her step, while acting as if nothing happened.
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I am going through a similar experience!