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My wife and I have been married 15 years and opened our relationship about six months ago. Right now it’s asymmetrical — she’s been seeing a partner for about four months, and I’m not dating anyone.
We’ve tried to approach ENM with a lot of communication and clear agreements. Recently, I admitted I was curious about being present while she’s intimate with him. To my surprise, they were both open to it.
We talked through boundaries and agreed that if I do watch, I would be an observer only — no participation.
Now that it’s a real possibility, I’m trying to sort out what I might actually feel in that situation.
Part of what I notice is curiosity and even compersion. Other parts feel like jealousy, vulnerability, or something adjacent to what people sometimes call “cuckold” psychology — not as a fetish, but as an emotional response I don’t fully understand yet.
For anyone who has navigated similar territory:
What surprised you emotionally when theory became reality?
How did you prepare yourselves beforehand?
Did having clear rules or boundaries change how it felt?
Did the experience reveal anything about trust, insecurity, or attachment?
I’m not trying to push past my comfort zone recklessly — just trying to understand myself better before taking a step that could be emotionally significant.
Thanks for any thoughtful perspectives.