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I (M19) Moved in with my Hermana (if you dont know what that is google it; auto mod workaround) (F22) and her roommate (F22) a few months ago for school. She’s been best friends with her roommate since junior high and ever since I was 12 i’ve had a crush on her roommate. I deny it to them but they both know and tease me for it a bit. She drags me along and flirts sometimes because she likes the attention (she’s admitted to it once) but I don’t mind because I can get close to her. She has expressed no sexual desire for a loser like me and has different guys over every week. My room is underneath hers so I always hear when she has *ahem*Guests over. It used to keep me up but I found myself coping by imagining myself there in the room giving my permission. This slowly evolved to fantasies and standing underneath the vent in the corner of my room near the door where I can hear it the clearest. I will skip the details but I think you understand the general concept. I’ve been doing this for a few months now and I have stopped feeling weird or guilty about it and it just feels normal now. But a last night I heard some Movement so I assumed my regular position and did my thing. But this morning when I got up I saw my hermana at the table with some shirtless gigachad 6 foot something blond guy. I asked where [Roommate] was and she said she went back to her parents house on Saturday (It’s Monday morning).
I started to think about it after that and I’ve been freaking out all day. She was making more *ahem* Noise than usual and was saying some very naughty things that I can’t get out of my head. Now I keep picturing my hermana in this way and I can not get it out of my head. I already resigned the lease so I could continue to be with the roommate next year but now i’m having second thoughts because I don’t want this to happen again. I figured I can never tell her or anyone but I need to get it off my chest so I had to come to reddit. What should I do?