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Sunday afternoon my phone finally rang. It was him.
We usually text or call each other every single day, even if it’s just a quick “what’s up” or some stupid meme that made us laugh. Three days of complete dead silence had felt like a whole damn year, and the second his name popped up on the screen my stomach dropped straight through the floor. I answered trying to sound casual, like nothing had happened, but my voice came out shaky and tight right from the first word.
He wasn’t direct at all. He just started with the usual “how you been, bro?” small talk, dragging it out like he was scared to get to the point. I was dying inside with every second that passed. My mind was screaming at him to just say it already tell me if I fucked everything up, if I pushed way too far on Thursday, if she hated it, if she’d changed her mind and now they both regretted ever dragging me into this fantasy in the first place.
I couldn’t take the dancing around it anymore. I cut him off mid-sentence. “Look, you know exactly what happened Thursday. I’m fully aware I might’ve pushed way past a plain massage. I don’t know, man, it just went there. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”
He let out this long, heavy breath on the other end and said, “It’s okay, buddy. We all kinda knew it was gonna go that way eventually.”
I asked him straight up, my heart hammering in my chest, “How is she? Did she like it or not?”
He got weird and vague, mumbling shit I could barely even understand. I pushed harder, my voice rising. “What happened? I need to know, man. Tell me.”
He finally came out with it. “She wants us to have another honest conversation. All three of us.”
My heart stopped cold. I thought, fuck, I ruined everything friendship done, marriage drama exploding, the whole thing blown up because I couldn’t keep my hands to myself.
I told him, “Okay, when?” My girlfriend’s shift was ending in a couple hours and I needed this over and done with before she walked through the door. He said he’d check with her and call me right back.
Two minutes later the phone buzzed again. “Come over now.”
I threw on some clothes and drove there like a zombie, my hands gripping the wheel so tight my knuckles went white. I hadn’t slept right since Thursday night. Every time I tried to kill the stress I just piled more on top of it. I knocked on the door and he opened it fast. She was already sitting on the couch looking like someone had died eyes glued to the floor, shoulders slumped, face pale and drained. The whole room felt like a funeral parlor. I was so nervous I could barely breathe.
I said hi. She said hi back, her voice tiny and broken.
I started talking fast, the words tumbling out. “I’m sorry if I pushed it. I couldn’t control myself.”
She still wouldn’t look at me. “I feel so embarrassed about what I did.”
I said, “But you guys encouraged it. I even told you to find someone else if it was too weird.”
He jumped in quick, “We still like the idea, but she’s feeling guilty because of your girlfriend. That’s all.”
I lost it right there. “I gave you four fucking options and you chose this path! Don’t blame me now!”
She started crying, quiet at first and then harder. “I’m not blaming you. I’m blaming myself. We didn’t make the right decision.” Then she told me that yesterday she had been on the phone with my girlfriend the whole time and felt sick doing it behind her back.
Her tears hit and he hugged her tight, whispering soft, “It’s my fault, I did all this, not yours.”
I felt like the devil himself, like I’d walked into their house and ruined their lives with my own two hands. Anger boiled up so fast I started shouting. I looked right at him. “Hey, fuck you. This is exactly what I was scared of. You kept teasing me for months, dropping hints, pushing drinks, setting it all up. Are you happy now? You put me in the middle and now you’re acting like I’m the asshole? I feel like shit. If I was gonna cheat I would’ve done it in secret, but you two insisted it had to be like this! Now I’m the bad guy!”
The room went completely dead silent. She was crying harder, shoulders shaking. He looked scared, like he knew this was it the end of our friendship right there on the couch.
I said, voice cracking, “What the fuck am I supposed to tell my girlfriend when she asks why we’re not hanging out anymore?”
He tried, “We’re still friends.”
“Friends? Fuck you.” I was shaking all over. “I didn’t want any of this and now you’re making me feel like garbage. I’m telling her everything even if I lose her.”
I stormed out, got in the car, and drove. Half a mile later I had to pull over because I was crying like an idiot, tears blurring the road. It was the worst feeling of my entire life. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t do anything stupid and drove the rest of the way home.
My girlfriend walked in from work, smiled, and hugged me tight. “You okay?”
My eyes started leaking before I could even stop them.
She freaked out immediately. “Oh my god, what happened?” She hugged me tighter, her voice full of worry. “Is your family okay?”
I said yes, but I was just feeling bad. She wouldn’t let it go. “Tell me. Please.”
I told her okay, but I didn’t know how the hell to start it. Suddenly her own tears dropped and she asked, voice breaking, “Do you want to break up with me?”
I said, “No way.” I hugged her so tight I thought I might crush her. “I love you.”
She said, “What happened? Tell me.”
I told her I made a mistake. She asked if I met someone else. I said yes. She started crying harder and pulled away from me. I tried to hold her but she kept saying “go away.” She was so hurt, her voice raw. “I took Monday off to spend it with you and you were out with someone else?”
I begged her to listen. I told her everything my friend, his wife, the fantasy, the massage, the fingering, no penetration. But still, she looked completely shocked. “She was talking to me yesterday… you all cheated on me?”
I said I felt so guilty and wanted it all out in the open. It was her decision now.
She said she didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to see me.
I left the house, sat in my car for hours. I thought about driving straight back to his place and beating the shit out of him. I didn’t want to drag my family into how fucked up I am, so I booked a hotel room just to have somewhere to crash.
My friend kept sending voice messages, begging me to call him back. I ignored every single one.
I don’t even know how I fell asleep. It felt like I just fainted from pure exhaustion.
I woke up in the middle of the night to a bunch of missed calls, two of them from her. I called back, my voice wrecked. She answered calm but serious. “We need to talk. Where are you?” I checked out of the hotel and drove home.
She was sitting on the couch waiting for me. No hug this time. She started with this long, heavy intro about how much we loved each other, how we chose each other, how we built this life together. It felt like a breakup speech and my stomach twisted into knots so tight I could barely breathe. I begged her not to make any decisions yet.
She said, “Let me finish.”
Then, “I’m not breaking up with you over one mistake. Especially when you feel this guilty about it.”
I swear my soul came rushing back into my body.
She kept going: “I actually talked to both of them. We had a long conversation. They were fighting hard to defend you and take all the blame themselves. I don’t believe every detail of their story, but I liked that they owned it.”
The room felt so heavy I was just praying she wouldn’t change her mind.
I asked what exactly they said. She told me they admitted they teased me, dragged me into it, and that I didn’t accept at first but they asked for the massage, and she teased me into fingering her.
She made me promise it would never happen again. I promised.
Then she dropped the bomb: “If you want to do something like that, tell me. We can compromise and talk about it. I know I work a lot and I feel guilty that I don’t give you enough time or attention to keep you happy. But if you’re looking for enjoyment, I won’t say no, as long as you respect me and tell me first. We’re adults. We should be able to talk.”
I was completely speechless. She even said, “If you’re gonna do that with them, I won’t feel bad after what happened.”
I told her honestly, “I don’t want to do it anymore.”
She said, “I’m okay if you do, if they want it and you want it. Just for enjoyment and pleasure, no more. And you keep me in the loop.”
I hugged her so tight I thought my arms might break. I told her it’s not even my fantasy. She said it’s up to me, but to keep the friendship because they’re still good people. Just inform her if anything happens.
I felt like a little kid getting lectured by his mom. Embarrassed as hell.
I apologized for ruining her day off. She said she wasn’t upset anymore. Then she told me to call him because he’d left a bunch of messages and sounded worried sick.
I said I’d do it tomorrow. She asked me to take her out for dinner to fix all that, and I will.
Monday I’m taking her to dinner, buying her flowers and a gift. Thank God it didn’t blow up worse.
But I still have to call him. I have no idea what the fuck he’s going to say. The guilt is quieter now, but it’s not gone.
I’ll update when I talk to them.