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this was when i was 25 (M) and completely out of my depth. Abby (F, 36) was gorgeous, and had a decade of life experience on me that I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around. This was my first real relationship, and I was obsessed with her, but there was a massive hurdle: she was polyamorous.
Initially, the idea made my stomach turn. I hated the thought of her with someone else. I felt inadequate and disgusted by the lifestyle, but I stayed because I didn’t want to lose her. Slowly, that disgust started to mix with a weird, twisted kind of curiosity. I didn’t realize it then, but I was being pulled into her world. I had no idea what poly was when I met her. But curiosity got the better of me. I was grieving the loss of my first relationship ever and meetin Abby, who knew what she wanted, was intriguing my curiosity.
To gain some sense of control, I decided to be the one to find someone. I went on FetLife myself and scouted for a guy, thinking that if I chose him and brought him into our home, it wouldn’t feel like I was being left behind.
We met the guy I found at a bar. He was a stranger, and the three of us sat there for hours just talking. When we finally invited him back to our place, I tried to break the ice by bringing out a sexual card game I’d bought. I figured the “rules” of a game would make me feel safer.
We sat in a circle on the living room floor, taking turns drawing cards. When I drew a card for Abby, it was something tame—“Give your partner a thirty-second shoulder rub.” I did it, but I could see her eyes wandering. She looked bored, giving me a tight, polite smile. Then she drew a card for the stranger. It was more suggestive: “Whisper your darkest fantasy in their ear.” She leaned in, her lips brushing his skin, and stayed there way longer than thirty seconds.
As the game went on, the divide became obvious. My turns with Abby felt like a chore to her. We’d get cards to kiss for a few seconds, and she’d do it quickly before looking back at him. But when it was her turn with the guy, the cards became an excuse to go off the rails. A card would say “Remove one item of clothing,” and she’d slowly peel off her top, staring him down. Another told them to “Explore each other’s touch,” and suddenly they were tangled together, her hands under his shirt, his hands gripping her waist. They completely forgot the deck of cards existed. The game was scattered on the floor, ignored, as she crawled into his lap.
She put her arms around him and kissed him deeply, her tongue tracing his lips. That was it for the living room. She took charge and led him to the bedroom. I followed behind like a lost dog—scared, but also weirdly transfixed.
In the bedroom, they stripped each other down. Watching his underwear made me lose my mind. I saw her rub his dick gently through the underwear. His dick outlining and making a stronger impression with every touch of hers on it. I had intense feelings of jealousy but I couldnt speak out or try to participate. I undressed myself and stayed back a bit, just watching. When she first went down on him, I actually shivered. My whole body was shaking. She was aggressive about it, clearly loving the taste of a man she’d only met a few hours ago.
The guy was losing it. You could tell he was loving every second of her attention. He eventually pulled her back and laid her down on the bed—the bed I had spent the afternoon meticulously cleaning. Watching them sweat all over my clean pillows was gross, but it was also the most sexual thing I’d ever seen.
I moved to the foot of the bed without even thinking. I was right there, smelling the sex, watching his heavy thighs press down on hers. He entered her harder and faster than she ever let me. She was screaming, totally lost in it. At one point, he slipped out and looked at me, cheekily asking me to help him back in. I reached out and guided his dick back to her opening. While he fucked her, I stayed down there, licking his balls and feeling the heat coming off them.
He was having the time of his life, clearly fueled by having a younger guy serve him while he used my girlfriend. He looked down at me and told me to lie down. He pulled out of her, climbed over my chest, and shoved himself into my mouth. I tasted both of them on him. He came in my mouth, but halfway through, he pulled out and finished across Abby’s face. She looked up at him with pure, blissful exhaustion. She absolutely loved being used like that.
I felt a wave of nausea and headed straight for the shower to scrub the smell off me. While I was in there, Abby knocked on the door.
“He wants to go again,” she said. “Can he come back inside me?”
I felt like I didn’t have a choice, or maybe I was just tired of fighting. “Yes,” I said quietly. “Whatever you want.”
I hurried out of the shower and went back to the room. They were already at it again, but this time it was slower, more passionate. I just lay on the edge of the bed and watched. The disgust was still there, but I was just absorbing the reality that the game was over, and I had lost.
The second round seemed to last forever. They were moving with a slow, heavy rhythm that felt much more intimate than the first time. Eventually, they wound down, their breathing heavy in the quiet room. They collapsed into each other, limbs tangled, and started cuddling right in the center of the bed I had made. I crawled over and lay on the very edge next to them, feeling like a ghost watching a couple wake up from a dream.
After a while, the guy realized he had to head out. Abby got up to help him dress, picking his clothes up off the floor and handing them to him one by one. It was as if they knew each other so well, even though they had just met, in a way that made my chest tight. I couldn’t have imagined Abby being so comfortable with someone else that she had just met. Before he pulled his jeans up, she knelt down and gave him a quick, lingering peck on his dick right through the fabric of his underwear. There was a noticeable wet spot on his underwear- from his cum, Abby’s juices, and Abby’s tongue. The same tongue of Abby’s that I kiss with my own lips. I was disgusted, but kept shut.
They walked to the front door together, and I followed at a distance. They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, before leaning in for a long goodbye kiss. Before he stepped out, he reached out and grabbed both of her breasts, squeezing them firmly.
“You’re incredible,” he said, looking her up and down one last time. “And these are perfect.”
Abby was absolutely gushing. She had this glow on her face I’d never seen before—a mix of pride and total satisfaction. After the door clicked shut, she turned to me and gave me a long, tight hug. She didn’t say much, just told me she was exhausted, and we went back to the bedroom.
She climbed into bed and fell asleep almost instantly. She didn’t even bother to shower; she just drifted off, still covered in the sweat and the scent of the night. I lay there wide awake next to her, staring at the ceiling and listening to her breathe. The house was silent, but my head was spinning.
Late into the night, when I was sure she was out cold, I carefully peeled back the covers. I snuck down to the foot of the bed, moving like a shadow. I leaned in close, my heart hammering against my ribs, and took a deep breath. I could smell everything—the raw scent of her, the musk of his sweat, and the faint, lingering smell of his cum. I stayed there for a long time in the dark, just breathing it in, caught between the disgust that had started the night and the strange, dark addiction that was clearly just beginning.