For the past two years, my girlfriend, who’s 28, has almost completely shut me out of her most intimate places, offering me only the occasional indifferent handjob. I’ve known about her wild past for a while—she once told me she’d been with more than 25 strangers during her late teens and early twenties, a revelation that, oddly enough, ignited a secret fire in me. The thought that countless strangers had explored her body while I was largely denied thrilled me and fueled my deepest fantasies.
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Just this week, I stumbled upon some genuinely raw porn videos she had made as a teenager. Watching her with a professional porn star, witnessing his rough and skilled handling of her body, completely blew my mind. It’s unlike anything I’ve been able to give her, and I haven’t been able to stop myself from indulging in these scenes, mesmerized by the intensity and the stark contrast to my own experiences.
Now, I’m gathering the courage to ask her about the other videos she might still have from that wild chapter of her life. The thought that tens of thousands—if not more—have watched her in moments meant only for me is overwhelming, yet it’s become a thrilling new dimension of our complex connection.