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Part 8
Ben breathed in the cold air of night on the Peruvian mountains, smelling the earth and blooming night flowers. They loved the outdoors, and their honeymoon was planned to include extensive trekking. He sat along with the entire group around the campfire, listening to the crackle of the flames as they enjoyed the heat. They met the group two days earlier – an enthusiastic trio of Australian backpackers. Dawn, ever the social chameleon, had seamlessly integrated them, introducing Ben as her protective older brother.
And then there was Amir. He was the quiet one of the group, with sun-bleached hair and a lean, tanned frame. He’d been the one to offer Dawn his canteen when she’d stumbled on the trail, and his hand had lingered on her elbow a moment too long. Ben had seen the look that passed between them – an electric charge that was clear as day.
Now, as the fire died down to embers, Dawn was curled into Amir’s side, his arm draped possessively around her shoulders. Her fingers were laced with his, an intimate gesture that sent sweet agony straight through Ben’s chest. He sat across from them, a spectator in his own wife’s life.
“It’s getting late,” Amir said, his voice low. He squeezed Dawn’s hand. “My tent is bigger. You shouldn’t have to cram into that tiny one with your brother.”
Dawn’s eyes flickered to Ben for a fraction of a second, a smirk playing on her lips before she turned a smile towards Amir. “That sounds perfect. I’d love to.” She stood, pulling him up with her. “Goodnight everyone. Sleep well.”
The words were a dismissal. He saw how she enjoyed the casual cruelty of it. Ben could only nod, his throat too tight to manage words. He watched them go, Amir’s hand sliding from her shoulder to the small of her back, guiding her into the darkness. The soft sound a zipper opening, then closing, took his breath away.
The rest of the group soon dispersed as well, their eyes shying away from Ben’s. It was obvious what was going on, and they were unsure how to act around the protective older brother in this very blunt situation.
Alone in his tent, Ben unrolled his thin sleeping mat. The fabric of Amir’s tent was just feet away, the tents’ nylon doing nothing to muffle sounds.
At first, it was just playful laughter. Then, a soft sigh from Dawn. His sigh. The one she used to save just for him. A low moan from Amir, followed by the rustle of fabric and the unmistakable sound of kissing.
Ben’s body went rigid. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it only made the audio more vivid. He heard the whisper of clothing being shed, the thud of discarded shoes.
“You’re so beautiful,” Amir murmured. Ben strained to hear, not wanting to miss anything.
“Mmm, tell me more,” Dawn replied.
“Your skin… it’s so… yum. And your breasts…” The sound of kisses, followed by a sharp gasp from Dawn. “Right there… yes…”
Ben’s hand fisted in his own hair, pulling hard. He needed to feel the physical pain to control the jealousy and shameful arousal that grew in him. He was hard, painfully hard, trapped in a hell of his own making. Or was it heaven?
Inside the tent, the whispers grew more urgent, the breaths shallower. Ben could imagine it, every detail. He imagined Amir’s hands all over Dawn’s body. Her back arching, her legs spreading, offering herself to him. Offering him what she never offered Ben. He thought he could smell her arousal. It was probably his imagination, but he knew Amir was smelling it too.
“Do you want this?” Amir’s voice was low, almost inaudible.
“I need it,” Dawn replied, louder. Obviously making sure Ben could hear, but he knew everyone else in the camp could hear it too. “Please. Get in me. Now.”
The rhythmic slap of skin on skin started. Slow at first, but quickly speeding up. Dawn let out a sharp cry each time Amir pushed into her. Ben could also hear Amir’s low moans, even though he was obviously trying to be silent. Ben listened once again to what he’d never experience himself. Not if Dawn had anything to say about it.
“Oh god… this feels… so good…” she moaned, loud, and Ben knew she was saying it for his benefit.
Ben’s own hand was placed against his groin, pressing down on his erection. He didn’t want to masturbate, not yet at least, but he had to feel something there or he’d go crazy.
Dawn’s cries climbed higher, she was on the edge. “Yes… yes… don’t stop… I’m so close…”
Amir’s responded in a growl. The sound of their sex became more frantic. The tent rattled, one of them must be rubbing against the fabric.
And then it happened. Dawn’s climax tore through the night air, a sharp, uninhibited scream. It was followed instantly by Amir’s own release, although he tried to keep it quiet, aware of the audience around the camp.
Then silence returned. Ben could still hear their ragged panting, and the sound of cloth rustling as they move around to find a new position to lay in. Ben lay frozen on his mat, his own body trembling from all the hormones coursing in his blood.
After a long moment, he heard Dawn’s voice, sounding completely exhausted and satisfied. “That was incredible.”
Amir laughed, breathless. “Your brother is going to kill me,” Ben could barely hear him whispering.
A pause. Ben strained to hear what came next. He could picture her mischievous smile.
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle him.”
Part 9
After four weeks, the mountain trails began to feel less like an adventure and more like a prison. A few days of trekking, then one night at some hotel, then on to the next trail. The group of backpackers had adopted them, and Ben was forever “the brother,” a role Dawn enforced with a ruthless consistency that left him perpetually alone.
The first couple of days there were some lighthearted teasing from the rest of the group. Dawn was loud in her nights with Amir for Ben’s benefit, but their entire group got to hear as well. They’d tease him, and also tried to keep him distracted so he wouldn’t have to experience his “sister”‘s private moments. But as Dawn and Amir’s relationship lingered, the teasing died down. It just became the new normal.
He watched them now, across the crackling campfire. Amir’s hand holding Dawn’s, his thumb caressing the back of her palm. Ben’s fingers tightened around his beer bottle. He used to be the one to touch her like that. This wasn’t a touch of sex. This was a touch of intimacy and closeness. That was supposed to be his domain, and even so, he was a spectator.
“Another round?” Amir asked the group, as he placed an empty bottle on the ground. His hand came back up to gently cup Dawn’s cheek, turning her face toward his. The kiss was not a passionate one. It was a soft, intimate kiss, making a statement right there in front of everyone. Dawn’s hand came up to rest on Amir’s forearm, not pushing him away, but holding on. Accepting. Encouraging.
Ben’s concentrated on keeping his breathing steady. The sight was a physical blow. And yet, even though this betrayal wasn’t sexual, the same heat rose through his body. Apparently, he noted to himself, any jealousy would do the trick. Not just sex, but seeing her fall for someone else also worked. He tried to look away, feigning interest in the mountain’s beautiful landscape, but his eyes kept being drawn back like magnets. When they finally broke their kiss, Dawn’s gaze flickered over Amir’s shoulder and landed directly on Ben. She looked a bit worried, trying to make sure he was okay. He gave her a curt nod, and her lips curved into a tiny smile just for him. Even though he still wasn’t sure how he felt about this, he knew he didn’t want to deny her the experience.
Later, as they prepared to retire to their separate tents, Dawn “accidentally” brushed past Ben. Her breast, oh so soft, pressed against his arm for a fraction of a second. It was barely a touch, over almost before it began, but it was the most intimate contact he’d had with her in weeks. He froze, every nerve ending screaming. He guessed it was her way of trying to pull back a bit from Amir. She is likely scared as well of her newly blooming feelings.
“Goodnight Ben,” she said in a sisterly tone, keeping up with their personas. “Sleep well.”
He didn’t. He lay on his thin sleeping mat, the sounds of nature a background to the thoughts running through his mind. Then came the other sounds, just like every other night. Every other night. The low murmur of voices from the tent next door. A soft, feminine giggle that was unmistakably Dawn’s. The rustle of fabric. A sharp, inhaled gasp.
Ben squeezed his eyes shut. He knew her body, every curve. This is the longest he ever went without touching her, without exploring her. He could imagine Amir’s head dipping between her thighs, his hands spreading her legs. He could picture the way Dawn would arch her back, her fingers tangling in Amir’s hair, her mouth falling open in a silent plea for more. This was supposed to be his place. Within the bounds of what he was allowed to experience. But not anymore.
A low moan sliced through the canvas wall. It was Dawn’s. Not the overly-loud cries she made for his benefit in the first few nights, this was how she really sounded. He’d know that moan anywhere – the one she made when pleasure completely overtook her.
His hand slid beneath the waistband of his boxers, his own hard length straining against his palm. This is what she wants, he thought, the humiliation and arousal mixing into a drug. This is what I give her. This is how I show her my love. He pictured Amir above her, his lean frame moving against hers, his mouth on her neck. He imagined the slide of their bodies one against the other, the raw, primal sounds of their sex.
He stroked himself desperately. Wanting to cum so he could fall asleep and end this torture. He focused on the sounds, letting them fuel the movie in his mind. Dawn’s moans grew more urgent, less stifled. She was close. As was he.
“Yes… right there…” Her voice, breathless and wanton, was barely audible. She no longer thought about Ben in those moments. No longer made sure he could hear. But he caught it nonetheless.
He imagined her eyes looking through the tent wall, straight at him. He saw her secret smile as she was being pleasured by another man, a smile that said this is for you, this is because of you, through your sacrifice I can feel your love. He suspected she actually forgot about him at this moment, but in his imagination he could pretend she didn’t.
A strangled groan tore from Ben’s throat as his climax ripped through him. For a moment he worried whether anyone else heard. He spilled over his fist, his body shuddering violently in the dark, alone.
The sounds from the next tent reached their own fever pitch. Dawn’s cry was sharp and final, a sound of unadulterated release, followed by the sounds of Amir coming back up to cuddle next to her.
The camp was silent again. Only the heavy breaths from both tents could be heard. Ben lay there, spent, listening to the the rustle of them settling together.
Then he heard, barely, Dawn’s voice, so low he might have just imagined it. “That was amazing, Amir. You are amazing.”
Ben turned his face into the musty pillow. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He had never felt more devoted, or more completely destroyed.
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