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For context I’m (33m) and currently in the process of doing therapy, unpacking my mental health which also goes into relationships, and kinks. I thought I’d use this as a journal to vent, and share instances that may have potentially contributed to me having this kink today.
I also just want to preface this is all hindsight, although I find this experience a “turn on” now, the reality of being cheated on really did affect and traumatise me years after the relationship ended. During this time I didn’t even know what the term or concept of cuckolding was, so for a while I thought it was just wrong to feel this certain way, and didn’t consider getting some proper advice or help. I still wouldn’t change what happened, but definitely would not tolerate cheating, and lying as it is very different to a respectful loving relationship, even if it’s a cuckolding dynamic.
When I was 25, my ex girlfriend (22f) of 4 years was cheating on me, or in hindsight cucked me in multiple occasions. For some back story, we were four years into our relationship when her and her family had to move to a different state, and us being young and naive, we thought that we’d try make long distance work. We’d fly in every 2-3 months to see each other which started off really well until about the fourth trip, it was my turn to visit her and it was week and half long trip from Wednesday up to the following Saturday.
Wednesday:
I got in around 8 in the morning and my girlfriend picked me up, she nearly an hour late but was super apologetic saying that she worked from the night before, so she was tired and slept in. I didn’t think much of it and we did our usual cafe catch up over coffee and breakfast. Soon as we got back to her place she took her hoodie off, she was only wearing her white top with thin straps and no bra with and short denim shorts. She’s short girl 5’2 brown hair, nice ass and thighs and not to brag but she had really nice perky tits, so instantly I wanted rip her clothes off but as I kissed her she felt hesitant. I vividly remember her grabbing my hand and leading it towards my pants, and asking me if she could just watch me cum in front of her. We’ve only done this a few times, but I was so turned on that I just followed through with her request, and after some time she put both hands on my shoulder and slowly pushed me down the floor. I got on my knees, put my hands on top of her shorts and took it off, and instantly started eating her pussy through her panties. I only manage to take her panties down to her ankle before I came all over the floor, and soon after we crawled into bed and fell asleep.
Later that afternoon she had work from 3pm to around midnight, she let me drive her to work so I could use her car. I dropped her off in front of her work then drove out, but I quickly changed plans as I needed to get some stuff from the shops. So I went in the parking lot, found a spot and just as I got out of the car I spotted her from a distance walking towards the exit of the carpark, then a car drove up to her and she immediately jumped and they drove out.
After seeing that I felt a rush of anger and a sinking feeling in my stomach, so I quickly got back in the car and waited for about ten minutes which felt like an hour, then I called her. First call went to voicemail, then she instantly called me back. Everything sounded normal, I told her I needed some things from the shops so I will get them and then come by her work to say hi, but she insisted that she could just get it on her break. I tried telling her calmly that it was important, and she responded with her sweet tone telling me that’s all good, and I should just message her what I need and she will get it on her break. I was trying not to act suspicious, and in panic. So I caved and just agreed, hung up and I sent her a made up a list then sat in the car for another 15 minutes and finally gave up so I drove back to her place.
When I got back home, I quickly rushed back in the room to her computer to see if there’s anything I could find out but I it needed a password but I couldn’t risk getting it locked out. At this point I felt so defeated, I sat by edge of the bed going through so many emotions of anger, jealousy, confusion and some excitement of trying to figure this out. Then suddenly I heard the notification bell from her iPad inside the bedside drawer, so I rushed to it and to my luck it unlocked wit same four digit password as her phone.
I still remember how nervous, and hesitant I was before opening her Facebook messages. I’m not sure if it was luck or just gut feeling but I opened the latest message from Cailan (26f) her work friend. Their conversation did not hold back on the details, it only took a small scroll and instantly my heart dropped, and I could still remember some of their messages.
Turns out that whilst I was napping earlier she had been messaging Cailan about her getting fucked by Matt (31m) their new co-worker. From the messages her and Matt started flirting over message on the week end, and by Tuesday which in her words “He finally asked me to come over, so what’s a girl to do”.
Another message was “I destroyed his bed last night so we only slept on one side bed”, and “He probably wont change his sheet for while”, for context my girlfriend is a squirter so I knew exactly what she meant.
And when she got dressed and ready to leave “He just told me to take my clothes off” so she got naked for him again and they started fucking “He was taking so long but not complaining”.
She was describing what a crazy morning it was for her, how she was running late to pick me up whilst “his mess was in me”. Right after reading that, I quickly checked the laundry basket and right there was the same black lace panties, covered in white dried up stain which I can only assume was cum. I still recall having such mixed feelings of hurt, and weirdly turned on so I took her panties out the basket and just held it whilst I went back to the messages.
I finally exited the messages from Cailan and found the flirty messages between her and Matt (31m). I could tell how interested she was with him by how quickly the messages escalated from Saturday to her coming over last night. I started reading from the most recent messages, and it was him asking her if she was “keen for work this afternoon” which probably meant that it was their plan to meet up all along.
With a short scroll up, she also messaged him in the morning teasing him and apologising for his sheets. He couldn’t get enough of her squirting that’s why he made her undress and “had to fuck you again”. He jokingly apologised “Sorry for being the idiot that made you get home so late”, initially I thought he was referring to the morning, but she responded saying she got home and still got some sleep, which I found a bit odd. I kept scrolling, found more flirty messages then there it was, he sent his address around 8:30pm the night before, and she responded around 9pm “be there soon”.
I looked into other messages, and right below Matt was a chat with Tom (34m). The best way I can tell this conversation is just writing some screen shots of there messages.
Tom: “Well that was random”
Ex: “Best random thing that’s happened in a while”
Tom: “I knew you we’re down, but didn’t realise you’d follow me in”
Ex: “So was it really that “random?”
Tom: “Hahahaha… I could hear you from Matt’s room, and I was intrigued”
Ex: “So going to the bathroom “naked” while I’m leaving was just random…”
Tom: “Random enough that we’re still talking about it”
Ex: “True, also I think you owe me an apology for this morning”
Ex: “I was late to the airport, while your cum was dripping out of me”
Tom: “You should come back so I can apologise in person”
Ex: “Deal, as long as we don’t mention it to Matt”
From what I could gather my ex had no intention of staying the night as she had to pick me up the next day, but as she left Matt’s room Tom was just coming out of his fully “naked” to go the bathroom, and “accidentally” catching her. He’s been listening in on them fucking all night, and from what she told me he was hot and his dick big, which was enough for her to change plans, and stay the night.
At this point I was desperate so I sent the screen shots to my phone and got in her car. Soon as I tried to put in the address on her car’s GPS, Matt’s address was right there before the airport’s address. It was around 6pm when I started heading to the address which was only about 10 minutes pass her work. I slowly drove past the house first before making a u-turn and parking on the side of the road, behind a car but also close enough that I could see if people was to walk out.
Sitting in the car, not knowing or imaging what could be going on with her inside that house was driving me crazy, but all I could do was sit in the car with my feelings and emotions. Around 6:40pm I see Tom walk in the house, and I could recognise him through his Facebook profile. Nothing else happened up until 11pm, I finally see my ex and Matt walk out and into the car and they drive off. I was running in pure adrenaline at this point, so I followed not far behind. Looking back I probably thought I was being stealthy but I’m just lucky they didn’t see me. But sure enough they end up driving back to the shopping centre that they work at and into the car park. I entered and hang around a different section and not long after I get the “you can leave now, just about to finish” message.
There was more that happened in this trip, which she did tell me the truth when I confronted her in the end, but I’ll leave this here now and will write more when I get the time.
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