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Part 9
She reached down and took my dick out. I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me as I looked down at myself.
You always fuck guys with big dicks, I whispered, my voice sounding small. I don’t have that. You said it yourself… my dick is…
Your dick is perfect, she interrupted, her voice soft but firm. I told you. It’s my cute little thing. She looked at me, her eyes searching mine. But you’re worried that I’m going to cheat on you because I used to like getting fucked by guys with big dicks. If you read the entire conversation, you saw that I’ve fucked guys with all kinds of dicks. I just like getting fucked. That’s what I like. I like guys fucking me in every way, shape, or form. Some are bigger, more aggressive… they stretch me.
As she spoke, she began to jerk me off. She was doing it slowly, her touch deliberate. She used her finger to make a small, circular motion right on the tip, a sensation that sent a jolt of electricity straight to my gut. She leaned in and kissed me, and I was shocked, my breath catching in my throat.
Calm down, babe. Calm down, she murmured against my lips. You’ve seen my pussy plenty of times. What, you never noticed it? How open I am? How stretched everything is? You never noticed?
Jane, I’m…
Yeah, I knew you’re a virgin, she said, a playful but knowing smile on her lips. But I thought you watched porn. I thought you knew the difference. I always wondered if you knew already, and if you just didn’t care.
I just didn’t… I didn’t know what.
But that’s the thing, she told me, her voice dropping an octave. You like it. Deep down, you know you’ve always wanted a girl who was a slut. Just like we girls used to want a guy who was a player, someone who picked up a lot of girls… that’s what you would have been twenty years ago. You guys, the sweet, nice guys… you now know that you want a slut. That’s all you’re going to get anyway. You want that open pussy, but you just can’t assimilate it when you’re not horny. That’s the truth.
No, Jane—
Shh.
She pulled her blouse off, exposing her small, firm breasts and her dark, tight nipples. She pulled my face into her chest, and I instinctively began to suck her nipples. She knew exactly what she was doing, guiding me, leaning into my touch. In a moment of sudden, possessive heat, I bit her.
Now, ouch,”she gasped.
I’m sorry, I whispered.
I know you are, honey. You just have to let it go. You like me. You love me. And I love you. And you love the fact that we’re like this.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I already suspected. Maybe I had spent years jerking off to the idea of girls like her without even realizing it. For some reason, in that moment, everything I had hated, the fact that she had fucked so many men, that so many of them had come inside her, stopped disgusting me. It started to feel like a victory. I looked her in the eyes and threw her back onto the bed.
Yes, she breathed.
I went back down between her legs. You’re the best guy to ever eat my pussy, she moaned, her voice echoing in the room. I’m sure of it, honey, because you’re the only one who actually listens to me.
I kept going, my tongue working. As I looked up, I saw it. I saw how obviously she was open, gaped. Her dark meat looked used, stretched, and welcoming. I could have looked away, but I didn’t. I had tried to tell myself she was a precious little flower, but the truth was right there in front of me. She was a slut.
Did you ever… I paused, my voice muffled. Did I ever eat you out after you fucked some guy?
She let out a throaty laugh, her body arching. Not right after, but the next day. Why?
I didn’t answer; I just kept licking her, feeling my own hardness pulsing.
You know you like my used pussy, don’t you? she whispered. That’s what you get. You’re not an alpha like Carl or those guys. You’re the nice guy who, twenty years ago, would have fucked some girls, but now you’re a virgin. And I love it. You’re the guy eating my used pussy the day after I fucked those guys.
She began to scream, her voice rising in a crescendo of pleasure until she finally came, her body shaking beneath me.
Driven by a sudden need to be the one in control, I pinned her down. I wanted to be like the men she let fuck her, the alphas. I pinned her arms above her head, trying to be aggressive. But then, she kissed me on the nose and laughed.
No, honey
She gently turned me around, her hand moving back to my dick, touching me with that same slow, agonizing precision. She propped herself up on her elbow, her chest pressing against my back as she whispered in my ear.
Do you really think you’re going to fuck me now? No.
I leaned back, sucking her nipple again, the sensation overwhelming.
Because you’re my little virgin, aren’t you?
Mm-hmm, I moaned, sucking her nipple hard, feeling the pleasure radiate through me.
You’re my cute little virgin, she whispered. And we’re going to marry one day, and then you’ll lose your virginity. You’ll be waiting… the traditional thing. You’ll be waiting until our wedding night, won’t you, honey?
Mm-hmm.
Yes, because that’s the way, isn’t it?
She continued to touch me, her voice becoming more reflective. But you’re going to see, honey… when you have sex, the urge is bigger. I know you. The best thing in the world is when I touch you, because that’s all you have. But once you’ve had sex, that’s not enough. You need the full thing to be fulfilled. I’ve been waiting these past few months since we started dating… I haven’t been fucking anyone, really. But waiting until we get married can be too much for someone who’s already had sex.
I looked at her, the weight of her words sinking in.
You did come when you read my messages, didn’t you? she asked, her eyes narrowing. You did masturbate thinking about it. You liked when you pictured me with those guys.
I didn’t want to admit it, but as I sucked her nipple, I whispered, Mm-hmm.
Tell me, she. The first night we met, at Carl’s party… did you jerk off thinking I was fucking him? Did your brain do that?
Mm-hmm, I replied.
I know, because that’s what you are, honey. That’s just how it is now. We can’t hide it, can we? She said then
So tell me,” she whispered, do you want to do this the right way?
Yeah.
I let myself come, the release explosive. Maybe it was the first mistake, or maybe the last. I didn’t know then, but it was the moment the best life I could ever hope for began.
Part 10
Two years later, Jane and I got married.
Today, actually.
So yes, as you can probably guess, I am still a full virgin.
Our relationship progressed a lot after that night. Not immediately in a clean way. Not in a way I would have imagined before her. But it progressed.
The first time she went out again was two weeks after our fight. She went with her best friends. She did not tell me much beforehand, only that she wanted to see them, drink a little, relax. I tried not to ask too many questions because I did not want to seem weak. I wanted to be the man she had described, the one who could put his chest out and say he did not care.
She came home late.
Drunk.
I was already in bed when she entered the room. I remember pretending to be half asleep, even though my whole body woke up as soon as I heard the door. She smelled different. Alcohol, sweat, perfume. Not hers. A man’s perfume, or what I believed was a man’s perfume. Something sharp and warm clinging to her skin.
She lay beside me and kissed me.
The kiss tasted strange. Salty.
I understood before she said anything.
She looked at me with heavy eyes, beautiful and drunk and soft.
I let him fuck me, babe, she whispered.
My whole body went cold and hot at the same time.
She touched my face.
A lot.
I did not move.
He was big, she said. Very big.
Then she kissed me again.
I should have pushed her away. That is what the old version of me would have imagined himself doing. Maybe shouting. Maybe calling her names. Maybe leaving.
Instead, I kissed her back.
Hard.
I kissed her like I wanted to take everything from her mouth. Every trace of him. Every taste, every memory, every humiliation. I wanted to erase him and consume him at the same time. I do not know how else to explain it. I hated it, and I wanted it, and I hated that I wanted it.
Jane pulled down my pajama pants and touched me.
Oh, honey, she said, almost laughing, almost comforting me. He was so much bigger than you.
I closed my eyes.
But I love you so much.
She kissed my nose.
You’re the perfect one for me. You’re perfect. I love you.
That was two years ago.
The first time.
Since then, there have been others. I do not know the exact number anymore. In the beginning there were rules. She would not sleep with anyone we knew. She would tell me beforehand. She would be careful. She would come back to me.
Rules blur over time.
Eventually, some of the men were people we knew. Not everyone. Not constantly. But enough. Friends of friends. Men from parties. Once, one of my friends. That would have destroyed me at the beginning. Maybe it did destroy me, and I simply became someone else after.
I started accepting it.
Then I started liking it.
Or maybe I had liked it from the first night and only needed Jane to give me a language for it. I still do not know. I do not know how much of this was always inside me and how much she created. Maybe that distinction no longer matters.
What matters is that today we got married.
Today I stood beside her in front of everyone. My family. Her family. Friends. No one knew that I knew. Jane looked beautiful in her dress, beautiful in that impossible way she always had, the soft face, the clean smile, the girl everyone thinks they understand at first sight.
She cried during the vows.
So did I.
And now I am here, in our hotel room, writing this on my computer while she is in the bathroom.
Our honeymoon suite is quiet except for the water running. My suit is on the chair.
2 hours ago, she kissed me and said, I’ll come back soon, still wearing her white dress.
Then she smiled.
Tonight, like a good traditional man, you’re losing your virginity on your wedding night, honey.
So I am sitting here naked, waiting for my wife.
Waiting for Jane.
Part 11
A knock sounded at the door. When I opened it, I saw Jane. She was wearing her white wedding dress, the one she had worn today. She looked beautiful, but it was a fractured kind of beauty. She leaned in and kissed me, and I tasted salt in her mouth. I knew exactly what it meant. We had talked about this. we had agreed. Her second bachelorette party would happen after the wedding, but before our night. I had been dreaming about this for so long that it wouldn’t have felt right if we did it any other way.
Her makeup was ruined, smeared across her cheeks and under her eyes. Her hair was a messy tangle. Her dress, which had been so modern and elegant, was torn in places, the fabric ripped as if it had been pulled away in haste. She held my hand and guided me toward the bed, sitting down with a heavy sigh. The skirt was a combination of a short layer and a see-through long overlay, but the long skirt had already been ripped apart. Her top was open in the back, and that was the first thing she did, she reached back, opened it, and pulled it off.
She told me to sit next to her, and I did. She was sweating, the scent of it clinging to her skin. I loved it, as she didn’t smell bad, she just smelled used, a warm, muskiness that drove me crazy. I lowered myself and started sucking her nipple. I did it hard, very hard, as if I could somehow undo what she had done just minutes before. I saw bruises on her torso and her neck. I knew why. We had selected the people together, some of her former lovers, the ones she liked the most. They were all friends. None of them knew that I was in on the secret. A few of them had fucked her before, so they just assumed she was cheating and went along with it. One of my own friends had been there, smiling at me like an asshole. I had to play it cool, I couldn’t just stop being his friend. I pretended I didn’t know, and that gave me a rush. I knew he thought he had the upper hand, and I loved the secret power of knowing exactly what was happening.
We had handpicked them. Two past hookups had stayed in our hotel. Everyone else was leaving the island tomorrow, but we were staying for our honeymoon. After the wedding, while the others thought we were retreating for our first night as husband and wife, she had gone to them. She had knocked on the first guy’s door and stayed as long as she pleased. Then she had moved to the next. And finally, she came back to me.
I was still sucking her nipple when she whispered, I’m going to take my skirt off, honey.
She slid the fabric away. She wasn’t wearing panties. I kneeled before her, and I saw that her pussy was a ruin. It had been since the first time I saw her and didn’t notice it, back when I thought she was a precious little flower. Now I knew. It had been like this for a while, and with every man, it only became more apparent. She was so open, so gaped, and I could see the cum leaking out of her. It was perfect.
I slid a finger inside. There was no resistance, she was completely open. I could feel the other men’s cum, my finger moving through an open space. She had just been fucked, and she was still wide from it. I lay down and started licking, wanting to taste everything, wanting to clear her out.
I’m so sore, baby, she moaned, her voice shaking. I’m so sore. He fucked me so hard.
Mm-hmm, I groaned.
But I did something you don’t know, she whispered. I looked up at her. “I did fuck those two guys, but they were fast. It was just a goodbye. They were happy, they think you don’t know. I told them it was my farewell, but they weren’t the only ones I fucked today, honey.
What?
I knocked on Brian’s door, she said.
Brian. My best friend since forever. He was the one who loved Jane the most, but he had no idea she had been a slut. I had never told him. He wasn’t part of the college group, he was from high school. He had always seen her as the sweet, innocent type. I had always cared that he thought I was the one getting the upper hand.
I knocked on his door, she continued, and he was so surprised. He asked if I needed something. I told him I saw how he looked at me. I told him I was lonely and that he always did this when I had needs.” She gasped as I licked her. I kissed him, and then he fucked me. I think his cum is still there… I’m sure it is, honey. He was after those other guys, and he was so big, Brian. Why didn’t you tell me know how big he is?
I knew. We had been in locker rooms together since we were kids. I knew exactly how big he was.
Those other guys opened me so much, honey, she moaned, but then Brian came… and he came so much.
I kept licking, tasting my new wife’s pussy and my best friend’s cum. I stopped for a second, shaking my head. No, why?
Come on, you know you want it, she whispered. But you better lick it all out. You know why? I stopped taking the pill a month ago. My doctor said it wasn’t good for me. This is my fertile week, and I forgot to tell you. You better clean it all up.
I looked at her, stunned. But the trip with your girlfriends…
Oh yeah, that, she laughed. I did let a bunch of guys fuck me raw, of course. Those two, and Brian. Yes, honey, you better lick it all out.
I went back to her, licking her greedily. I was almost coming myself, the sheer weight of what she was telling me pushing me to the edge.
Party 12
She came then, her body racking with a violent, shuddering release. I could hear her breath hitching, her muscles tightening and then collapsing as she moaned into the crook of my neck. For a few moments, the room was silent, save for the sound of our synchronized breathing.
Come here, she whispered, her voice breathless.
I laid my head on her chest, the familiar rhythm of her heart beating against my ear. She began to touch me again, her hand sliding over my skin with a slow, teasing familiarity. I felt a surge of anticipation, but a flicker of hesitation stopped me.
She let out a soft, melodic laugh. Look, I promised, didn’t I? I told you that you’d wait until your wedding night to lose your virginity. And I always keep my promises, honey. Come here.
I positioned myself between her legs, my heart hammering. I was still reeling from her words. She had just been with those men; she had been open and raw for them. I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. Was I ready for this?
Just as I was about to push forward, she paused. I watched, confused, as she reached over to the nightstand and picked up a condom. I couldn’t believe it.
What? I asked, my voice sounding strained.
“Of course, honey,” she said, her tone matter-of-fact. You’re not fucking me raw. What if you impregnate me?
But those guys… I started.
Honey, you’re different from those guys, she replied, a small, indulgent smile on her lips. Come. Your little guy needs a condom. Come on.
I did as she asked, though a part of me felt diminished. I wondered if she had taken a Plan B, or if she had some other precaution in place, but in that moment, the condom felt like a barrier not just to the physical sensation, but to the intimacy I craved. I positioned myself and pushed inside.
She let out a small, soft oh ho of a laugh. Oh honey, it’s so good, she whispered, because it’s you.
But as I moved, I realized the truth. I could barely feel anything. I could feel the movement, the sliding, but there was no grip, no tightness. The walls around me were soft and yielding; they didn’t press against me the way her hand had. It was a ghost of a sensation, a hollow echo of what I had imagined sex would be.
And then the psychological weight of it hit me. I was pushing my virgin dick into a woman who had just been ravaged by men who had left her open and gaped. She had let them come inside her; she had craved it. And here I was, wearing a latex sleeve, barely feeling the friction of her skin. I felt like a footnote in her history. I felt as though all those men, Carl, Brian, and the others, were laughing at me from some invisible distance. I was the “nice guy” who had finally arrived.
The intensity of the thought, the mixture of inadequacy and arousal, was too much. I lasted maybe thirty seconds. I collapsed into her chest, my breath coming in ragged gasps, as I came.
Jane laughed a little, not at me, but with a sort of affectionate pity. She began to give me little pecks on my cheek and forehead. It’s okay, honey. I love you so much. I love you so much, she whispered.
I slid out of her and we lay there in the silence of the room. After a moment, the desire returned. I wanted to do it again, to try and find that connection, to feel something more. I started kissing her, trying to be sexy, trying to be seductive.
Can we…? I began.
She reached up and gently touched my nose, cutting me off. What? No, you’re not doing it again.
Why not?, I asked, leaning in. We just got married.
She smiled, but there was a distance in her eyes. I promised that you would lose your virginity on your wedding night, and you did. But honey, you know I have needs, and you cannot fulfill them. You already know that.
She pulled me closer, guiding my head back to her chest. Come here.
I fell asleep listening to the steady beat of her heart, the silence of the room feeling heavier than it had before. As I drifted off, I clung to a desperate hope that she was just joking, that there was more to this than the cold reality of her experience.
Final
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