Was I devastated? Of course I was. Destroyed. Utterly destroyed.
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Who wouldn’t be after hearing something like that from the woman you loved?
But not initially. The gravity of it took time to sink in. In fact, it was so outside of what I was expecting I didn’t even understand what she had said at first.
I chuckled a little — the type of chuckle you might give if you think you’ve heard a joke but didn’t understand the punchline. You know, to look confident or smart, but deep down you’re the only one in the room that didn’t get it. Well that was me. I wanted to look confident.
In retrospect, if confidence was my goal, I could have picked a better time to broach the topic. Asking about our sex life (or lack thereof) while kneeling on the bathroom floor completely naked, save the cold embrace of my chastity belt and matching collar, didn’t make for the most assertive pose.
I looked up at her, catching her eye though the mirror she was using to put in her contact lenses. She paused for a moment and it came again: “I don’t see you in that way anymore.”
I stammered back, “In… in what way? I don’t understand”
“Sexually. In a sexual way, dear”, she replied while returning to her contacts. “Thinking about having sex with you… recently, it hasn’t been appealing,” she said with some small hesitation. “I had been meaning to talk with you about it. But we both have been so busy this semester. I didn’t know when it would be a good time to bring it up. And I figured, if it was bothering you, you’d say something about it.”
She was right. Between my new job teaching night courses as an adjunct and her finishing up her PhD program we had both been busy. Our sex life was non-existent. I hadn’t been allowed out of my belt (other than for supervised cleanings) for over three months, and the last time we had sex was easily going on seven.
But that didn't mean that sex wasn't happening… it just wasn't happening around me. Or with me. And it didn't need me to be involved. It was happening with Adam, a hansom, charming, and cough sexually dominant man, that had entered her graduate program two years prior. Who, as irony would have it, was introduced to her at a welcome party we hosted for the new students that year… the same party where I wore a chastity device in public for the first time.
Considering all of that, it may not have been the wisest of times to bring up a question about a seeming lack of sex in our relationship — especially when I was one who, nine months prior, requested we take a serious look at what our relationship would be like if I wanted to explore my submissiveness further. It was in that discussion that we identified restricting my ability to initiate sex as an important component of that goal. But nevertheless, I braved the question.
I forget what I had in mind as a potential answer, but I imagine I was expecting her to reference something about how it was an important part of the training we agreed on. Or that my tongue was doing everything she needed from me. Instead, a dagger: “I don’t see you in that way anymore.”
The reality of what she said started to sink in. I gulped, “D-d-did I do something wrong?”
“Oh… No, no. Goodness no. You’ve been doing so well with your training, and I’m very proud! You know what a help you’ve been to me. The way you anticipate my needs and take care of the house has been a huge weight off my shoulders. It makes me feel very close to you… and of course seeing you like this isn't bad either,” she said as she turned towards me, lifted up one foot, ran it across the floor though my knees, and gently up the hard exterior of my belt. Her foot brushing against my thigh quickened my breath. But my excitement was short-lived. The only thing I felt though the belt was a slight pressure on my abdomen. I exhaled in defeat.
“It’s just that — and I wouldn’t have predicted this — but I’m just really happy with what we have now. I know my relationship with Adam keeps me away from you at times, but it seems like that's cleared the way for you to take a much deeper dive into exploring your submission. And that's what you wanted right?"
"Well… yeah, of course. It's been wonderful to explore this with you. Its just… I miss having sex with you."
She paused, leaned over, and blew very lightly on my ear. "You should have thought about before letting Adam fuck me," she whispered.
I quivered.
"Awww. There, there now. You knew what you were getting into. You knew the thread you were tugging on. I even warned you. What did I say? What did you expect to happen? You're really just a product of your own success, dear. You've turned out to be a much better slave than lover."
She stood before me, fully naked spare the contacts she had just finished putting in. She knew those words hurt. I felt a tightness in my stomach as I looked at her naked body realizing just how long it had been.
She smirked as she struck a pose — hands on her hips, “Is someone having second thoughts now?”
“I… I don’t know what I’m having," I backpedaled. I was missing her point by a mile, "I mean, I realize we haven’t had a lot of time for having sex recently. But that… that doesn’t mean we couldn’t try. It’s not as though you’re saying you’d rather not have sex with me at some point, right? When we get more free time in our lives?”
“Actually…. That’s exactly what I’m saying. It took a while to understand why I was feeling the way I am, but its clear to me now. You need this." She paused. " And perhaps more importantly, I need it too.”
She waited for a reaction. I didn’t have one.
She knelt down in front of me. We were eye to eye now. “Listen, I’m running late. Think it over? We can talk more tonight. If you really don’t think this is right for you, I want to know. But from everything I’ve seen in the past year, it makes sense.”
She gave me a soft kiss on the lips, got up, and turned for the door. I interrupted, “Wait…. What am I thinking over? What it would be like to… uh, never have sex with you again?”
She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. Her back was towards me. “No dear. We’re well past that point.” She twisted the doorknob and opened the door. A cold blast of air from the hallway hit me. “I want you to think about what life would be like if you never climax again.”
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