My gay lover used me to get to my wife

Little background: I married 22 years ago. We started drifting apart 9 years ago after the birth of our second child. Things just fizzled out. 5 years ago, we started sleeping in seperate bedrooms, and we stopped having sex 3 years ago. I've been having hookups with men on and off for 7 years. After, we stopped having sex, I haven't had sex with another woman but I have hookups with men on Grindr. We have talked about seperating, but i gets too hard when we start talking about custody of our 9 year old. So, we just drooped it. 1.5 years ago, I developed ED because of a medical issue. I'm getting medical help, but it will take years till I'm functional. I get horny, which I satisfy by sucking dick.

6 months ago, I met this guy with the most beautiful, cleanest, yummiest cock I have ever seen. Lets call him Big B. I sucked him off in the car. He told me my mouth felt like his wife's pussy. That lying bastard! ???? . He is larger than average. I usually go for smaller sized dicks, but with his cock, I was motivated to do my best. We met again at my house. I connected with him. He told me about his childhood trauma. We talked about making this a regular thing. So, we hatched a plan of introducing him to my wife as my business coach. That way we could tell her that he is "coaching" me when I'm on my knees gagging on his beautiful dick. I invited him for dinner, and my wife seemed to get along with him. Perfect plan, right?

Wrong!

On Friday, I came home early from work to hear moaning sounds coming from my wife's bedroom. I snuck downstairs and cracked open the door to get a view of Big B's beautiful dick pounding my wife's pussy. I couldn't believe it! The bastard was fucking my wife, and my wife was enjoying it. I was cheating on my wife with him. But both of them are cheating on me with each other. The shame!.

It gets worse. I got a hard on! The sight of his dick frothing her cunt fixed my ED. I watched them while beating off my pathetic useless dick. Eventually, I came and made a noise. Big B turned around to see, but I scammed from there before he saw me. I'm pretty sure they heard me.

I don't know what to do. I can't look my wife in the eye. Big B is ghosting me. And the only way I can get hard is when I think about them.

And the whole situation is fucking with my head. How long has he been fucking her? Was this the first and only time? Has he been fucking her since I introduced them?

Or has he been fucking her before I introduced them? What if he was fucking her before we met on Grindr?

I don't mind her getting his beautiful dick. I can't get dick her down. I'm happy for her. She deserves all the dick she wants. I'm happy for him. His beautiful cock deserves all the pussy it gets. I have no resentment. I just wish I knew what was going on. I would gladly be their beta slave forever if they let me.

I resent the secrecy. Serves me right for cheating on my wife for 7 years.