Previous post about this story.
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Thank you to all those who have commented and chatted with me about this relationship. It was not the healthiest situation (and I would later have a more consensual cuckold relationship with another woman), but I think it was an important step on my path to self-discovery after many years of repressing these feelings. These memories still evoke some of the most powerful feelings in me, largely because it involved very real abuse and manipulation (which I accepted), I also realize that I was manipulating them in a way by playing dumb, enabling them by being so seemingly naive and gullible. I found myself doing this almost without my control, coming from a need to please them both by giving them this psychological power over me. But enough of this retrospective analysis – I want to share some more memories.
As I said in my last post, that time at the sports bar was not the only time her ex-husband made me give him oral. Strangely enough, I felt guilty after that first time because I assumed my girlfriend had no idea, even though she was cheating on me and lying to my face. I felt as if I didn't deserve to have my own secrets. I would soon learn that her ex-husband was telling her about what I did and even coaching her. Shortly after that time at the bar, she asked me to tell her more about one of my past experiences sucking cock. She told me it turned her on, and she got me to lick her to orgasm while I shared details and answered her questions. After she came, I tried to follow my 17-year marriage routine and get on top of her, but my cock was pretty soft. I had experienced psychological ED many times in my life, and it felt like feeling inferior to her ex-husband was causing my body to not let me perform as a man. She told me it was no big deal and rolled over to go to sleep. I woke up later in the middle of the night with a raging hard on, so I masturbated quietly next to her. She told me the next morning that she had woken up while I was masturbating, and it aroused her. She encouraged me to do it more.
This became a pattern – me eating her out, both vaginally and anally, and then masturbating myself to sleep. Then one day her ex-husband used me again. It was a Saturday, and I came over early to get groceries to make dinner that night for her and the kids (I like to cook). She had to go out to run some errands and get her hair cut that day. I had learned her code to unlock her phone, so I read her texts with her ex while she was showering to get ready. They were planning on hooking up while she was out, before her hair appointment. I remember getting hard when I read her text telling him that I was clueless.
Her son was with his friends for the day, and after my girlfriend left, I dropped off her daughter at her friend's house while I went to get groceries. I was back at home alone, putting the groceries away when I heard the front door unlocking. It was maybe an hour after my girlfriend had left, so I was surprised to see her ex walk in (he had a key and still called it "his" house). I told him that Melissa (that was my girlfriend's name) was out and his kids were with friends. He said that is okay, he just had some time to burn and thought he would have a beer with me. I got us beers from the fridge and sat on the couch with him. He started right away asking me about my sex life with his ex. He made it sound like he was asking out of concern, but it felt intimidating and violating. I just kind of stammered my way through answering his questions.
I can't remember everything I divulged to him in that first conversation, because these types of talks became a bit of a routine for us. I do know he liked hearing about how she had steered our sex life to me giving her oral and masturbating. He also repeated that he divorced her because she is a slut, so he feels for me. He asked if I think she cheats on me. I admitted to him that she had told me early on about being promiscuous, and that I shared with her my cuckold feelings. But I said she hasn't really admitted to sleeping with anyone yet, and more just flirting with guys when she goes out. I could feel that it excited him to hear me say I didn't think she was cheating. He asked how I felt about her going out a lot at night, and I said it worried me with her drinking and I wish I knew what she was doing. but I admitted that I got excited when she came home. I told him how she wakes me, sometimes coming in at 2am or later smelling like booze and smoke, and she would tell me she is horny from flirting and wants me to eat her out.
At this point, I started to notice his erection as he rubbed his bulge while asking me for details. He wanted to know if she was wet, what did she taste like, etc. This is where I really started to play naive with both of them, because I never divulged that it became obvious to me pretty early on that her pussy was dirty from sex, loose, soaking, and sometimes smelling like condoms. There were times that she would tell me she was so horny and it makes her "creamy," but I learned this was her excuse for having a cunt full of sperm when she had unprotected sex. I didn't tell her ex that I knew I was eating sperm out of her used holes because I felt like he got off on me believing she was just "creamy" from being so aroused.
He then pulled his fat cock out of his shorts suddenly, telling me that talking about sex is making him need some relief. I told him that I felt guilty for what we did before, but he said it doesn't mean anything and he will keep it a secret. He also told me he feels like my attraction to his current wife makes him need me to keep showing him he can trust me. He pulled my head down and I immediately got a strong whiff of sex – cum, pussy juice, sweat. I could see creamy residue and wetness around the base of his cock and in his pubes. I knew from her texts that he had just fucked her before coming to see me. It made my head spin, and I sucked him off willingly, licking her pussy off his cock and balls, and letting him blow his load down my throat.
He finished his beer and left soon after that, but these talks and blowjob sessions became a frequent routine. I found myself unable to be honest with him or my girlfriend, playing more and more gullible to please them, which in turn insanely aroused me. He would "coach" me to try to do things with her, things I knew she did with him but she would deny me (like giving me oral or receiving anal). He would get off on me telling him how she rejected me and then would get me to accept that I won't get that from her.
He often asked me about specific incidents where I know he cheated with her, and I could feel him get off when I told him I accepted her lies without question, often telling him about how I ate her and masturbated when she came home. In time, he would also get off on teasing me about his current wife, making me admit I was jealous and then threatening me to make me apologize to him.
Sorry for the length of this post, but in summary, I realize that some people really get off on the power dynamic with cheating on an "unsuspecting" partner. The emotions and arousal involved were incredibly intense, but I also learned that this is not very healthy cuckolding and is pretty much impossible to sustain.
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