I was cheated on by my gf [23F] but I like it [Cheating]? Maybe I want it to happen again?

My gf (23F) cheated on me (23M). We have been together for 4 years and we always have had a good sex life. Before we started dating my gf has had a crush on her boy best friend. A week ago he asked her to hangout with her. She agreed and went to hangout with him but she did not tell me about this. I checked her phone last night and I realized that she visited him a week ago. I started going through their messages and found out that she went to the pool with him and when they got back he started grabbing her and touching her and she was turned on by him. She let him fuck her raw that night. Reading these messages made me super hard but jealous at the same time. I send screenshots of these messages to myself and went back to my place and jerked off reading it. I'm jealous and angry that this happened but also super turned on at the same time. I want it to happen again but this time I want to be outside the window peeping in watching everything