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Too Good To Be True
Kim and I had just finished enjoying a quiet dinner together when we decided to go for a walk around the block. Standing on his porch was our neighbor’s obnoxious son Nick. We have always had a tenuous relationship with Nick’s father Gary. It started over the fence we put up when we first moved in. Since then, we do our best to avoid Gary and his son at all costs, and the feeling has seemed mutual.
We barely knew Nick existed for the first few years we lived there because Gary only had custody a few days a month and we rarely saw him. Then when he turned sixteen, he was suddenly always present on the weekends whenever his dad was away, which allowed him to throw loud parties that kept us awake to all hours of the night, causing us to call the cops on him multiple times. Since he had turned eighteen recently, he seemed to be living with his dad full-time. Kim and I assumed his mother had thrown him out.
As I said, Gary and Nick would usually just ignore us, but today Nick chimed up “Looking good Mrs. Conlon, but not as good as you looked last night,” he said with a chuckle.
“What did you just say?” I asked.
“Well, last night I was sitting on my porch when I heard a woman in distress. It sounded like it was coming from your house, so I ran over there to see if I could help. I was worried when I heard a woman talking about rape and I was about to bust your door open when I heard the woman offer to suck someone’s cock. I wasn’t so sure it was rape anymore,” Nick said before Kim interrupted him.
“Nick, I’m not sure what you think you heard, but I guarantee it isn’t what you’re thinking.” Kim said.
“I was sure it wasn’t too, but when I noticed the light coming through the window at the top, I ran home to get my ladder.”
“Josh! I told you to close the blinds,” Kim admonished.
“It was stuffy, so I left a couple of windows open at the top. I didn’t expect someone to get a ladder to peep into our windows.”
“I wasn’t peeping. I figured if it was rape, I could bust in there and help, but you didn’t seem to be struggling by the time I got the ladder.”
“Nick. What you saw was completely innocent. We are trying to have a baby, and Mr. Conlon can’t get me pregnant because of a medical issue. What you saw was just us trying to get me pregnant with a sperm donor. It was Mr. Conlon’s cousin.”
“So, you’re not a slut for MAGA cocks then, Mrs. Conlon?”
“What did you say? How dare you speak to me like that.”
“You were screaming those same words like a banshee last night.”
At this point, you, the reader, are probably wondering why I wasn’t kicking this punk’s ass. Well, there was one thing I knew about Nick that kept me in check. I knew that he was a two-time state wrestling champion. So, even though we were around the same size, I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight against him since I hadn’t had any experience fighting since I was twelve.
“What happens inside our home is none of your business,” Kim said.
“You know I’m totally MAGA. So, if you need more MAGA cock just let me know.”
“That is completely inappropriate. Didn’t anyone teach you to respect your elders?”
“Nah, I don’t have to respect the commies.”
“Come on Josh, he’s as insufferable as his dad.”
We walked away with Kim fuming as she muttered under her breath. It wasn’t until we were about halfway around the block that she regained her composure enough to have a coherent thought.
“Oh no. You don’t think he’s told anyone about this, do you?”
“I imagine it would be embarrassing for him to admit he was peeping in our windows. So, hopefully not.”
“Do you think that moron has enough shame to care what people think of him?”
“I guess we can hope so.”
“No. We need to go back there and get him not to tell anyone.”
Our next encounter with Nick went as poorly as the first with Kim and Nick shouting at each other on his front lawn. Nick hadn’t told anyone because he had ditched school that day, but he wasn’t planning on keeping it a secret, which set Kim off.
His parting words were “Don’t come back unless you’re ready to beg for my MAGA cock.”
We returned home with Kim more upset than I had ever seen her.
“I have an idea, but I don’t think you’re going to like it,” I said. “You know, the contract has a pretty good non-disclosure agreement in it….”
“You want him to be a donor. Are you fucking crazy?” Kim interrupted.
“No. No. I don’t want him to be a donor. I want him to sign the contract, then we vote him out. We can even hold a real vote and just have Tyler and Marco vote against him. Then, he won’t be able to tell anyone anything about what he saw without us being able to sue him. The only thing he probably owns is that annoying truck, but I’m sure he doesn’t want to lose it.”
“We should try to reason with him first though, but we need to talk to Tyler and Marco before we talk to him.”
Kim called Marco and I called Tyler when we got home. We each described the situation of the neighbor kid spying through the open window using a ladder and told them of our solution. They both agreed that it seemed like a good idea punish the peeping tom.
We gamed out different contingencies and hoped we were prepared for anything. With our plan in place, we made our way over to see Nick. He was still sitting on his porch as we approached.
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