Being cucked turned me into a out of control sissy [Cuckhold perspective]

So to being with all my life I’ve been a normal plain vanilla person, both in my romantic and sexual life. Never have I tried anything out the ordinary but this all changed about 2 years ago when I met my ex girlfriend, straight from the beginning I could tell that we didn’t match in terms of sexual preferences, while I was vanilla and plain, she was kinky and risky. At the time I didn’t want to lose her since I thought i was in love with her and that she was in love with me, so little by little she started to change me, we started watch porn as she had sex, which lead to a finger in both our asses, and by the end of everything before I could recognize myself I was in the corner watching the girlfriend that I thought I loved being manhandled by one of her exes and moaning like she never did with me. She made me start to suck him and bend down for him for the rest of our relationship and… I started to love it, being in the control of a real man and watch him slowly take everything from my girlfriend to my masculinity. While we are not together anymore (she went back to him and now are married with a kid on the way) she changed me, now most nights I’m on Grindr, dressing myself in some of her old clothes and calling myself a femboy, inviting real men over as I serve them in anyway they want. Recently one guy I met there wanted to go through my phone as I suck him under my bed covers and recently he texted me pics of my sisters and mom saying that it’s a small town and that he might see them soon and seduce them too, the old me would have been angry and told him off for doing something as heinous as this but I couldn’t help but feel my little clit from getting hard and fantasying about being a cuckson and cuckbro to them. I’ve fallen so far from being cucked once, anyone have similar experiences?