How crazy am I for letting it go this far?[cuckold perspective]

So about 10 years ago I became aroused by the thought of my wife with other men. I was in the army and I was actually deployed in Afghanistan when it began. My wife was a little reluctant to talk about it but she started to sext me through emails some dirty stories that she would make up to get me off. It definitely worked. As soon as I was back home I found a BBC and invited him over. Again my wife was a bit reluctant but she agreed. He was just a little bigger than me but it was still super hot. He creampied her above my face and I blew immediately. As I cleaned her out I came again. I just couldn't help myself. When she saw how much cheating and cuckolding turned me on she opened up a lot more to it. I could tell she really enjoyed it.

I'm the stepfather to her two daughters. One of the stories she made up involved how her baby daddy was still fucking her. I always liked it. It turned me on so much and I don't know why. This guy was a real piece of garbage. He never paid her child support and he talked so much crap on me. Caused all kinds of drama. For some reason though the thought of her still having sex with made me rock hard.

Fast forward a year and we hadn't had another guy come over. It was all just foreplay stories. One day though after asking her if she seriously would have sex with her baby daddy she confessed that the thought turns her on a lot. A little more pushing and the real truth came out. She had been fucking him since we started dating. I wouldn't have believed her and would of thought she was just trying to be hot but she had texts and photos to back it up. She found her old phone and showed me. They were still all on there. Then she showed me her current phone. There was new stuff on it. She told me that after our first date, her baby daddy came over and fucked her so hard and creampied her numerous times. Like he was frustrated she went on a date. The first time we had sex she didn't plan on me coming over that night and he had just creampied her a couple hours prior. I ate her out and she said she was freaking out because she was still leaking his load. She was worried I would taste it. I just thought she was really wet. I thought it was weird that she asked me about 6 weeks into dating if we were being exclusive. I had been since we started seeing each other. I guess she was feeling guilty because she had been having sex with her baby daddy multiple times a week. She said I had stuck my cock in his creampies so many times and I just didn't know it. I ended up knocking her up tho. He is mine because he looks just like me. But right after she got pregnant I had to leave for army basic training. It also turns out that the day I left for the Army basic, she went straight to his house after dropping me off. I guess he fucked her for hours and creampied her pregnant pussy over and over. He told her he was going to knock that faggots baby out of her. Thank god he didn't. She said it turned her on so much. He was basically gorilla rage fucking her. Said he fucked her so hard her pussy was bleeding which worried her.

You would think this would of engraged me. It was the exact opposite. I was literally leaking cum into my underwear listening to all this. I wanted to see his cock. She had videos and I couldn't believe it. This guy's dick was a fuckin hog. Almost twice the size of mine and his balls were definitely twice the size of mine. She said his loads were massive compared to mine. Then I watched the video and she wasn't wrong. Her pussy was spewing cum when he pulled out. She continues to explain how he has never stopped fucking her. I guess when I was deployed and started asking for those dirty stories, they weren't fictional stories at all. She drove back home w the kids 3 times and fucked him and he drove all the way down to my military post one weekend and fucked her in our house. Said they fucked non-stop the whole weekend. She said my step daughters even asked why she was sleeping w him and what was going on. They knew he was railing her out in our bedroom the whole weekend but she talked to them and convinced them not to say anything. I guess he ended up knocking her up and she had to get an abortion. I guess the neighbor was fucking her too. She had pics of his dick and it was bigger than mine too. Not as big as her baby daddy though. This all happened before I got home before deployment.

So once all this was our on the table I did the only logical thing a cuckold would do and I asked her to go fuck him and bring me home the creampie to eat. She immediately went and did it. They began fuckin all the time again. She would go drop the girls off with him and he would creampie her. She would come home gaped wide open w massive creampies I would have to gulp down. I'd always cum as soon as my tongue tasted it.

I left the army and she continued to fuck him. We actually moved closer to him. I went to college and she worked as a nurse. She would get hotels with him in the evening and he would destroy her pussy weekly. She was also seeing a BBC too. Basically back and forth between the two I was eating creampies a couple times a week. Her baby daddy ended up knocking her up again. By this time I wasn't even fucking her anymore so it was definitely his. She would just make me jerk off while she laid next to me. It turned me on that she was pregnant but she ended up getting an abortion again.

They haven't had sex for a little while now. But she is always cumming to him when I'm fingering her. She calls out his name during sex. She has admitted that there is something about him that makes her want to have babies with him more. She's now even admitted how she's told her friends about how she fucks other guys and specifically her baby daddy still. She has made fun of me now for raising their kids for them. This turned me on a lot.

She started crushing my balls a lot and saying she was trying to make them stop working because she doesn't want my sperm getting her pregnant. We're now to the point where she stabs my balls w needles and rotates them. She tears the insides of them. She is a nurse and she's clean about it. Crazy enough tho, I don't mind. They have shrunk considerably and my loads are basically clear and smaller than ever. I think she may have sterilized me or close to it. She now says she's setting up dates with her baby daddy when she's ovulating. She plans on getting pregnant and she's going to keep it and I'm going to raise it like I did the other two. I actually really like the idea. She's lining up guys to fuck her pregnant belly and fuck my ass too. It's all getting so crazy but I love it.

Now the girls are teenagers she has even had sex talks about how all it takes is one time. She said well maybe not w someone like him, nodding at me, but someone like your real dad. Right in front of me. She really become so brutal about it. She loves doing it to me so much. She makes me sit on dildos and eat her pussy. She comes so hard.

It's so crazy. I still enjoy it. I just can't help but realize it's completely insane.