The first time i met Riley Hayes, I knew two things right away: She’s the kind of girl that will destroy your life, and that it’d be worth the pain.
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It wasn’t a meet cute, nor some romantic tale of how i got to know her. Rather, I met her the day people actually would meet their soulmates – A bored glance scanning the room at a boring college lecture.
There aren’t many woman in STEM, so girls stick out imidiatelly, but Riley stuck out like a wolf in a flock of sheep – or rather, and more accurately, like a Goth in a crowd of nerds.
Even if i hadn’t gotten to know her yet, something about her was so intriguing. Her straight hair was split in the middle, one side naturally dark brown, while the other was a bleached blonde. She had strong lashes and wore dark eyeliner around her Hazelbrown eyes. She always dressed dark and grungy. Her boots were thick and large, her skirts shorts. Her nuckles were covered in rings, some portraying skulls, knifes, hearts and crosses.
Her straight hair went just over her shoulder, and was split into a bleached blonde to her left, and a naturall dark-brown to her right. She had long, black lashes and wore even darker eyeliner around her hazlenut eyes. Her cheecks and nose were covered in freckles. She dressed dark and grungy usually. Chains and fishnets weren’t unusual, as was that black chocker of hers. Her boots were always thick and large, none of the usual brands students wear. Her hands were covered in rings and bracelets. I saw knifes, hearts and skulls all over them. All pieces of her outfit were handpicked to raise the boners on lonely nerds like me.
Furtermore. She wore a heartshaped silver necklace around her neck. It seemed to be a casket with a tiny keyhole in the middle. I’ve always daydreamed about what would be inside it…
I loved how she portrayed herself. How different she was. How she stood out and didn’t care. Rathermore, she knew the effects she had on us.
In case you want a more clear picture of hers, i uploaded a lookalike to my profile.
I noticed myself thinking about her a lot more as time went on. Not that I had a thing for goths, but I was rather intrigued by the mystery of hers. I admit I thought she was sexy. She was petite, not to thin and not to thick. Somewhere right in the middle were I would consider the perfect bodytype to be.
One sunny day, me and my friends, Connor and Sam were eating lunch, and – as dudes our age do – spectated the scarce supply of girls sitting outside at the open tables of the cafeteria through our sunglasses.
Id didn’t take long until our gazes lingered on Riley Hayes.
“God damn, why is this clown so fucking hot all the damn time?”, Sam mumbled, flicking his lighter for most likely his 15th cigar that day. Even tho he was arguably the most perverted one of our friendgroup, he actually sounded upset about it.
“It’s not that shes hot…”, Connor replied, readjusting his sunglasses, his gaze also stuck on her, “Were just ugly. No point being hot as an architect. What a waste. But at least we have a view.”
Sam was annoying, always complaining, but quippy. Connor was smart, but often harsh.
As for me, I put the hopeless in romantic.
“What I wouldn’t do for a girl like her…”, I mumbled, almost entranced by her – because I was.
My heart skipped a beat, as her head spun around to us. It must have looked priceless from her perspective, catching not one, but three boys staring at you, before their gazes shot to the sky, analyzing the blue sky and the green leaves of the tree, as if we were looking for an answer from god.
“Shit!”, Sam laughed, “We should look in shifts.”
“I wish I could do more then look.”, I said. Words I would come to regret in a heartbeat…
I turned my head, risking another peak at heaven, but heaven was closer then I expected. Much closer. And closing in too.
Riley was walking up to us.
She smiled.
If you collected all joy in this world and pressed and mushed it onto a single face, it would not come close to the happiness I felt echo of her gorgeous smile.
I melted, most likely died and rebirthed in that second. She spoke, but I did not hear what she said. My ears were bessed with the most melancholic and warm sounds that ever brazed on my eardrums.
“Excuse me?”, I said, pulling down my glasses, lost in that smile of hers. I could feel myself drowning in her gaze, as her eyes met mine. I felt ashamed to even look at her, as if even my gaze would tarnish her beauty. I was not worthy to even gaze upon something that gorgeous.
“I asked what your name is. I saw you in a few of my classes. Thought id give it a shot and say hi… so… hi, im Riley!”, she repeated, her soft raspy voice so calming and friendly. She had the voice of a raven, if the raven somehow learned noble british english, just smoked a pack of weed and tried his best to recite poetry.
I blinked, struggeling to take it all in. I did not expect talking to her to be this intense, but there I was – my heart beating out of my chest.
“Oh… that’s nice, im Dillan!”, I stretched my hand out, thinking that’s what a gentleman would do. She did the same, and we shaked. Hers was soft as a cushion, tiny compared to mine. Her grasp was limply and weak and I could feel her fingers brush against mine as she pulled it back. That drove me crazy.
We started talking about the last lecture, making fun of the professor. I was surprised to find out she actually had a great sense of humor.
“Right?”, she laughed, “Mr. Solomon must really be an expert in theoretical physics, because his explanations defy the laws of clarity!”.
We laughed, we talked. And when the bell run, she excused herself and ran to her friendgroup again.
All three of us watched her walk away. Our eyes were on her bottom. She had the kind of bottom you’d love to see walk away from you.
Riley changed my perception of love that day. Love isn’t all about physical attractiveness, which I felt to other woman before her. Love is when you actually want to spend time with a person, despite wanting to fuck her too.
And by god did I love her. And by god did I want to fuck her.
None of us could believe that she was that chill. It didn’t take long and both Connor and Same shipped me with her. I didn’t hide the fact I had a crush from them, and I embraced shipnames such as “The good the Goth and the ugly” or “500 Days of Bummer”.
That same day, I met her again. On the train back home from college.
She shot me that incredible smile once again as I walked in, sitting in a booth of her own, and me, the desperate-for-a-girlfriend guy I was, sat down in the same isle as her.
Riley pulled out her Headphones and I could hear the loud, most likely metal music from emination from them.
“Hey”, she whispered happily.
“Riley, hi”, I smiled back, “How are you?”
She sighed, rolling her eyes. “I guess im fine…”
I tilted my head, leaning forward. “You don’t seem that way…”
“Well, I just recently had to break up with my boyfriend.”
If you’ve ever seen the movie inside out: In that moment, the emotions in my head cheered loudly, popped champaign, celebrating the words she just muttered to me.
“So sorry to hear”, I lied, “You should clear your head for a bit. I know it’s tought to be in that spot.”, I lied further, since I never had a girlfriend.
She shot me a soft smile, and I could feel myself melting away.
“It’s fine, I just think I’d love to be distracted right now…”
“Distracted?”, I asked, half-assedly shooting my shot.
Her eyes scanned me from head to toe. As her Iris gazed up at me, a cold shiver ran down my spine. Did she just check me out?
“Handing out with friends and stuff. Like we are right now.”
I was aware enough to be friendzoned. And admittedly, she did it smoothly and respectfully. But something deep inside me wanted to push further. Something inside me didn’t want to be just her friend. Love can’t be contained inside a friendship. It will boil up and eventually explode, and I was just dumb enough and curious enough to be rejected right then and there.
“You want to be friends with me?”, I grinned, winking at her.
Yeah, it’s the worst attempt of flirting you’ll ever see, but I was 19 and dumb. I didn’t know what flirting was, and I was chronically online too.
“We’ll see”, she whispered. Her eyes lingering on me, before her serious facade turns into a smile.
See? That was flirting. And for the second time that day, I felt my soul leave my body and return. I felt my heart beat faster then it ever had, and felt my blood flowing to placed it shouldn’t.
“Good, then… we’ll see”, I responded, my voice cracking.
“We’ll see”, she repeated back.
We locked eyes for a few seconds, both grinning at each other.
After that, we exchanged numbers.
You can imagine how insane that was, right?
Me – a selproclaimed looser, receiving the number of my crush?
Even talking to her?
Having her flirt with me?
I went home with the biggest grin on my face. I greeted my family and straight to my room, locking the door behind me.
I had to look.
I had to look at her profil picture.
And I did.
She looked abolutely fucking amazing. That smile. That fucking smile of hers was like a parasite infesting my brain.
She was sitting at a café, smiling while holding a coffe in her hand. She wore something less gothy, but not less sexy – A long, beige coat and a white blouse underneath, showcasing her cleavage.
She didn’t talk to many people at school, so I doubted that picture was taken by her friend.
Most likely, her boyfriend took it.
I admit. I got hard.
I admit, I wanted to jerk of to that pic. So I did.
“Riley… oh fuck… Riley”
The unconcious whisper of her name escaped me as I stroked to her.
“I love you Riley…”
The words tumbeled over my tongue, as I slowly whispered to myself. I did fall in love with Riley. I had to let these words out. I wanted to tell her the truth so badly…
“Ri… Ri…”
I could feel myself coming close, so I put my phone right underneath my cock.
“I love… fuck I love…. You… Riley… Riley…”
She was a gorgeous girl… I wanted to paint her.
“… Riley… FU…FUUUUCK…. Riiiiley”
My cum shot out, covering my phone as if my balls held back pressurized cum like a dam. The first rope hit her face, right where i aimed it at. The second her boobs…
The third rope, the most pleasureably one…
Hit the Videocall button.
My eyes slowly opened, and I picked up my phone, trying to wash away my cum before…
Riley picked up and her face appeared on my screen. She looked so blurry behind my cum.
“Dillan! Whats up?”, she said, “Why are you so blurry?
I noticed by cum dripping down my camera lens, mixing with the rest of my load, hiding Riley behind a thick, blurry wall. I tried to sound as little out of breath as possible and take control of the situation.
“Riley… hey! My camera is broken… I called because I… I wanted to ask you out.”
The words bursted out of me. I didn’t think about what I was about to say, so I felt completely on autopilot. Back then, I didn’t even realize what I’d just asked.
“Like on a date?”, she asked, and I could make her out to be lying in a bed with dark grey pillows.
“Y…Yeah. Would you want that?”
“Sure”, she responded. Not surprised. Not annoyed. She said it casually, “Are you going to pick me up then?”
“Yeah I could… I could pick you up. Tomorrow at 7?”, I asked.
“Alright. Tomorrow at 7. Where are we going?”
I tried to think of something. The only thing that came to mind was…
“There’s a Café place… at Harrison street”, I muttered.
“Oh yeah. Lovely place. Good choice!”
“Alright… see you tomorrow…”
“See ya, Riley out!”, she shot me a blurry smile, before ending the call.
I gaze at my pathetic reflection in the dark screen, blurred by my nut.
This was the lowest I had fallen, but at least I had a date, right?
And before you judge me for what happened that day, just know that you shouldn’t judge me jet. I’ve done worse the further I’ve gotten to know her.
The relationship between me and Riley was complicated, yet straight forward. Unconventional – that is for sure. And relationship might not be the correct word to use.
Riley has driven me to do stuff I never thought I would. She has drowned me in a world of hurt, a world of pain. One I think back to often. Not always in sorrow, as most would.
I have to take accountability too. I do that today. I do that in writing.
Writing about what happened between me and her… and eventually… him.
(End of Chapter 1)
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