Firstime Getting Cucked and Ended in a Tragedy.[cuckolds perspective]

I never thought about cuckolding and got into it until the very end when my relationship was failing so I tried saving it by trying this lifestyle and talking to her about it and still try to be together by giving her the serial freedom to go explore someone else. We both lost our virginity together and we were both loyal to each other through out 6 years of our relationships so we never had sex with anyone out of the relationship, but it was on the 6th year where we started to have problems I started to get bored I started to see flaws and My replies from seconds to minutes to hours to almost a day and she was starting to give me cold shoulders and distancing her self from me and so was I and she hated one of My friends so we took a break for a month we still were faithful to each other and then we had started talking about this lifestyle of having an open relationship and told her that it would turn me in to see her get fucked by someone else and she could have see with anyone except for anyone we know and if she dident leave me for no one else so we created those boundaries but we also did it fair I got to have see with someone else and keep it discreet but our relationship was ending so rapidly where she really dident have any feelings for me anymore and broke boundaries so I had to tell people we weren't together cause I would feel embarrassed if people found out. It wasn't till the 3rd split up where Iied to her about going to go help out my best friend that kissed her off and caught feelings for someone else and told be me it was over and left me for that person I was shattered and really heart broken and no matter what I did I could never get her back so that's my failed cuckold experience and never get into it when your relationship is failing it'll end way quicker or it can make or destroy your relationship. Now it's been 3 years and I have been wanting to start over a relationship strong and healthy but with a girl that likes to explore sexual experiences without leaving her partner so that way we both enjoy the lifestyle and also respect the boundaries but truth is if I don't find that relationship and find My self in a committed monogamous relationship I'm still all for it but still open to it but I really would prefer being cucked haha