Cheating rabbit hole that led me down the spiral[cuckold perspective] [retrospect]

So I’ll start by saying that is a true story. I know a lot of post say that but no no this deadass happened to me and this really brought about a huge thing in my life that caused a lot of mistrust and opened a new door for me. So there I was (23) I had just broken up with my (F21) ex of 8 years or 6 I’m not sure at the time. It was a hard break up one that really took a toll on me because on one hand I had really loved her and I had this great admiration for her, but on the other one I had this guilt cause I had not been the best BF to say the least and the relationship to me was doomed because of certain lifestyle changes that I wanted, (I wanted to move out of our current city and I wanted to explore the world a bit) and well one day I’m drinking and she’s sending her typical rant texts about how I’m a piece of shit and how I ain’t shit and how could I do this to her. And then she sent me this text that really really fucked me up for a while. She had hooked up with a guy and wrote me a nice detailed paragraph about it. My heart dropped, but my dick jumped lol. It was the oddest feeling of that sick knot on your stomach while that fever horniness that you feel when you just gotta get that nut off. It was beyond fucked. I just kept re-reading it. And beating off to it. I imagined her bent over taking that dick, she probably creamed on it and her pussy probably ached. I imagined all the ways he bent her over and probably fucked her till she moaned “fuck!” (She use to always say fuck when we would well fuck basically) my dick and mind working together imagining all the ways the man had her. I imagined how she probably spit on his dick before she sucked it. For weeks just torturing myself about what had happened until fast forward we met up and just like Olivia Rodrigo’s song I kept saying, “this is a bad idea”. So we met and fucked and I just kept thinking about the hunky guy that fucked my ex in a room in a party. Like some whore outta a teenage party movie. Imagining all the patrons hearing her sweet moans. Fast forward some more and we are in bed after I got back from a trip, we are fucking hard and I’m drunk like a fucking sailor and I get the genius idea to straight up tell her while I had her bent over hotel bed “I wanna know every detail about how he fucked you, I wanna see and hear you fuck other men in-front of me.” Or something like that. And the sex I had that night was the best sex I have ever had in MY LIFE! I rammed her HARD as fuck with her telling me details about how this dude had fucked her. for her side of the story it went like this, she was drunk and horny. And she kissed him passionately and made out for ten minutes until her pussy was so fucking wet that she said she litterly had cream on her panties. She was so horny to fuck this guy. That she no hesitation put his dick in her mouth and just started gargling and sucking until she almost passed out, that I was the only man who ever fucked her so the craving she had for some new dick was unquestionable. That once his thick veiny dick was slobbered with spit she stuck his dick inside her and he started fucking her missionary, till their sweaty bodies just had to try doggy, then he had her bent over the bed fucking her and slapping her ass, and how when he was close she didn’t give a fuck (she has a IUD) and just wanted him to cum inside her. And he did And in that moment I let the fattest nut I ever had. She also went on about how she had sucked another guys dick and how that dick was so massive she could only fit the tip in the roof of her mouth. How she “really wanted to get pussy stretched out by a real man” (some crazy disrespect btw) I was drunk as fuck so my memory isn’t the best of that night I have to say. And the imagination just kept coming told her about the fantasy I had of her getting a sundress of black dress pulled up and getting rammed in a bathroom. We had shower sex, bathroom sex and loud messy hotel sex. It was the hottest. But it would be short lived lol. If this gets enough likes I’ll post the final part. But yeah a night with mixed feelings.