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**Author’s note: Subsequent chapters will be released on a more regular schedule**
Prologue:
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 5:
5
Harper sat in her home office; legs crossed casually beneath her. A cold early-autumn rain drizzled outside the window. She was keeping comfortable. With no meetings on her schedule, she dressed in oversized pink sweatpants and her faded high school senior t-shirt. She hadn’t even put in her contacts that morning, opting for her embarrassingly thick prescription glasses which were never worn in public. It was a pretty relaxing day. The only item on her carefully maintained work calendar was to catch up on the number crunching grunt-work that she kind of loved.
After a couple hours of grinding through models and spreadsheets and responding to a bunch of counterproductive email queries, Harper got up to stretch and use the restroom. She felt a slight soreness in her lower back and remembered that she needed to get better about her horrible posture when working. As she waited to finish on the toilet, Harper considered if she should break for lunch and if there was even anything she wanted to eat in the house. Her benign musings were interrupted by an alert from her phone.
“Shit.” said Harper.
The alert was a reminder she set for herself. Outside of her work calendar, Harper didn’t typically set event reminders, but this one was too private for her work server, even if its label was cryptic. The alert merely said, TTK! It was a clear message to herself. TALK TO KYLE! It had been seven days since she had sex with her husband’s boss. Time enough for her to get through the finance conference, most of which she passed hidden in her room, then get home and begin to catch up on work.
Harper knew she should have told Kyle right away, but panicked, allowing herself to become busy and then let that busyness justify putting off the conversation. She, at least, had the sense to set the reminder. Telling herself that, even though she didn’t want to go through the drama of her admission at the conference, she also didn’t want a repeat of the Seb situation; to have an enormous secret hanging over her marriage. In the interim, she put the issue out of her mind; succeeding so well that she thought there might be another day or two left before the dreaded alert would pop up.
As little as Harper wanted to have the talk with Kyle, she was exceedingly fastidious about keeping to the schedule she set. It was a trait that brought her academic and professional success, and she held to it in her personal life.
Hey, my guy. What time are you getting home tonight?
She ripped off the bandage, texting Kyle before leaving the bathroom.
Fancy hearing from you during work hours. I might be home for dinner. Well, Spanish dinner.
The two of them honeymooned in the Iberian Peninsula, where they became acquainted with the alternative eating schedule common to Spain. He wouldn’t be home insanely late, somewhere between nine and ten, giving Harper plenty of time to tell him everything.
The rest of her day wasn’t as productive. She kept making uncharacteristic errors as she tried to work through her distraction. At times, she felt crazy for not telling Kyle immediately. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to text him right after, and that would have ended the problem. Harper came to understand that there was almost no risk of Kyle leaving her. In addition to his genuine love for her, it had become clear just how deeply rooted his sexual proclivities were. The things that most partners could do to hurt and destroy their relationships, strangely existed as fantasies to her husband. He would revel in the truth of that evening, get off on it, which was kind of the problem.
Kyle’s wild dreams may have started the ball rolling, even on that day when she was fixated on Mathias, but the motivation that found her alone in his room and then naked in bed with him, wholly arose from Harper. To her, Mathias was an irresistible force. Meeting him seemed to resolve in her mind which traits in men she found most attractive. Part of why she so dreaded talking to Kyle was her worry about what she would tell him. Harper didn’t know if she would or could go too far.
Over the last seven days she both tried to avoid thinking about that night and couldn’t think of anything else. It left her with a disorganized perspective. She wasn’t sure of her own feelings and had no idea what she would tell Kyle, but what Harper was most nervous about were certain truths she would have to admit to herself.
—
“Hello?” called Kyle, stepping into their home a few minutes before ten.
“Hey, I’m back here!” Harper shouted from the kitchen.
“You’re cooking dinner?” Kyle stepped into the kitchen and found Harper pouring pasta into a colander in the sink.
“Yeah.” She was a little proud of herself. It could be hard to get up the energy after work to make real food.
“What’s the special occasion?”
She was about to flash him a smile and say something about there being nothing special about it, but then Harper realized that there was almost no way she would be cooking if she didn’t have such a major confession. The idea of brushing off his question seemed almost like a lie in that instant. She set the pot back on the stove and turned off the burner simmering the half-finished sauce. There was no version of this evening where they would enjoy the quiet, intimate dinner she was imagining; he a doting husband and she a loving wife, safe in the shelter of their marriage.
“We need to talk.” said Harper.
“OK. What’s up?”
Harper was bent over the sink, head down as the excess steam from the pasta filled colander wafted up. The novel idea of cooking dinner was such a good distraction for her, she never planned what exactly she would say.
“You didn’t– uh. The main thing is what I have to tell you.” said Harper, hoping she’d find the words if she just started talking. “That night in Germany…”
“Yeah. I was probably insensitive. It makes sense that you’d be mad about it. And I should have figured; we haven’t had sex since getting back.” said Kyle.
Damn. However she expected it to go, it wasn’t like this. She thought back. They hadn’t had sex since getting back and didn’t in Germany and she was on her period until right before the trip. It had been over two weeks for her and Kyle, which would have been strange enough for the newlyweds without the added context that Mathias was her most recent sexual partner.
“No, I’m not mad. There’s something else.” said Harper. “I never told you everything that happened that night; the main thing that happened that night.
When we were fooling around, and you ejaculated early, I got frustrated and said some pretty cruel things. I guess it was because, when you go first, you generally try and help me out. But you didn’t, even when you got your erection back you– I’m sorry. I guess I was angry, but that’s not what this is about.
Maybe I’m being a little defensive. This is so awkward. After I left your room, I texted that I was going up to Mathias’ room, hoping to tease you into action. And I wasn’t lying when I sent those texts, I went right to his floor.”
Kyle stood at the kitchen door in rapt attention, trying to figure out what his wife was saying to him.
She continued, “I thought we were playing a game, and I kept pushing forward. I went to his room; you saw the picture I sent; in front of his door. That would have been the end of it. You called my bluff. I was going to leave, but then Mathias opened the door.”
Harper avoided Kyle’s eye and stared down at her feet.
“This is amazing.” Kyle said in a low voice. Harper was so focused on what she would say that she barely noticed.
“I thought that you really wanted me to go through with it. I had sex with him.”
“Tell me.” said Kyle, rubbing his burgeoning erection through his work slacks.
It was at that point when Harper finally understood what she would say. Kyle was getting off on the confession. Her sense of self-preservation urged her to indulge him. She could free herself by telling him all the lurid details, but she could also keep her motives private. Harper would let him believe that everything that happened was part of some wild experiment the two of them had agreed upon. Kyle didn’t need to know that his wife having sex with his boss was probably a foregone conclusion before he had given her the green light. It likely wouldn’t have happened when it did, but it was hard for Harper to imagine surviving the entire conference without her and Mathias doing exactly the same thing.
“Alright, what should I say. We went to his bedroom and stripped out of our clothes; right in front of each other.” she said. “I was pretty nervous, and we sat on his bed and talked a while before anything happened.”
“What did you talk about?” asked Kyle with a quizzical look on his face.
“It was actually nonsexual. We talked about currencies, and I complained about some of my coworkers. Then, once I was comfortable, we got into the logistics of us having sex, like him using a condom and that it would only be a one-night thing. After that, we made out and I gave him a blow job, and he went down on me. And we had sex. Geez, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”
“This is great.” said Kyle. Harper gave him an awkward smile. “And it’s a really cool way to think of doing this. It almost feels real.”
“What?”
“I apologize; that’s a rude way to say it. You were convincing.”
“Kyle, I’m not– This happened.”
Kyle was puzzled, he didn’t believe she had sex with his boss, but also knew that Harper was not one to take a joke too far. She seemed completely honest.
“I don’t get it.” said Kyle
Maybe Harper was mistaken the whole time. Maybe Kyle would be mad. But it didn’t matter, they were past the point of no return.
“I had sex with Mathias.” said Harper bluntly.
“OK?”
Her lost husband assumed he somehow screwed up whatever his wife was attempting to communicate. Harper was frustrated at the odd impasse that materialized, but clamped down on those feelings, not wanting to lash out at Kyle. She led him out of the kitchen and the two of them sat on the couch. Kyle seemed to think it was the opening of a sexual encounter and Harper had to make it clear that wasn’t what was happening. Things were quickly becoming messier than she expected. Harper racked her brain for the most direct way to convince Kyle of the truth. A hollow discomfort formed in her gut when the obvious answer came to her.
“There’s something I need to show you.” said Harper.
She unlocked her phone while Kyle considered the seemingly impossible idea that it really did happen. Harper thrust the phone into his hands, before she could change her mind, then bolted up from the couch and nervously paced the room. The phone displayed a picture. It was a selfie of Harper; topless, likely naked, her smiling face plastered with semen.
Harper didn’t know why she took the picture, and she didn’t know why she kept the picture, but incredibly, it became necessary for her to share the image with her husband. In the background of the photo, was unmistakably a man’s arm. There was no way the arm could have belonged to Kyle, and the wrist of that arm sported a very expensive marine watch that Kyle’s boss regularly wore.
“You went through with it.” said Kyle. Slowly grasping that he was looking at a picture of his wife covered in another man’s come; his boss’s come.
“Yes.”
“I need to know more.” There was a spark in Kyle’s eye as a strange confluence of arousal and jealousy, and regret filled him. This was his fantasy, the outcome that he’d imagined countless times, the outcome that he’d pushed his wife towards, but he wasn’t sure he wanted the reality of it. Even on that crazy night, when he continuously urged her towards this result, he didn’t really believe it could happen. Kyle thought that, even if she wanted to, Harper would stop herself, not out of some deep sense of marital loyalty, but because of her responsible nature. Her personality was far too risk-averse to do anything like that.
But that wasn’t true.
“What do you want to know?” asked Harper. She didn’t know where Kyle’s head was and she hoped letting him lead the conversation would give an idea of how to frame her answers.
“Did you orgasm?” The question was a good jumping off point for Kyle. There were so many other questions to ask: Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Was he a lot better than me? Is he the reason we haven’t had sex in two weeks? But those weren’t questions he could bring himself to ask. Not only was Kyle conflict avoidant, but he was afraid of what Harper’s answers would be.
“Yes, I orgasmed.” Harper adopted a mundane demeanor. Kyle’s emotional state remained unclear, so, not only did she avoid a more expansive answer about her repeated climaxes, but she tried to sound as gentle as possible. “What other questions do you have?”
“Was it good?”
Finally, Kyle gave Harper the clue she needed. His hand absentmindedly rubbed his crotch as the thrill overtook him. While part of his being screamed that he couldn’t want this, the rest of him was captivated. He pushed aside the ugly, painful thoughts and embraced the enticing distraction of his fulfilled fantasy.
“It was very good.” answered Harper.
“He came all over your face.”
“That’s right. After he finished me off, he pulled his dick out of me and took off the condom and, I think, he was going to finish on the bed, but he deserved more than that. I sucked him and kissed him and rubbed him until he finished all over my face.”
The scene shifted dramatically. Harper was playing up every word. She rested her legs on Kyle’s lap while they talked and, soon, she was massaging his hardening penis through his work slacks with her dainty feet. Kyle listened and his eyes danced back and forth between his wife and the obscene picture she had taken. He thought about how she’d only allowed him to come on her face once in the years they’d been together, and how she would never give him a blowjob after he penetrated her; according to Harper, she didn’t want to smell or taste herself. But those things, which were essentially off the table for her husband, were happily performed with another man.
Even if he was to blame it all felt so cruel to him. Kyle filled with jealousy, but that jealousy only steeped his own excitement. He was so close, he could have come right then and there, but he remembered the two weeks. Two weeks since he had sex with his wife, and, in those two weeks, she had sex with his boss. A twinge of pride kept him from coming in his pants. He sat up and slid next to her on the couch.
Harper saw what was happening and leaned back as Kyle climbed on her. He was in frantic mood, fumbling at her clothes and kissing the exposed flesh on her arms and neck. It couldn’t happen fast enough for him. Kyle was hungry and desperate. He pulled off his belt and undid his pants. Harper sensed his hurry and shimmied off her sweatpants and underwear in one go. With no preamble, he entered her. She was drenched despite their lack of physical foreplay, and Harper hoped that Kyle didn’t understand why she was in that state. He got in close to her and nuzzled her earlobe and hammered into her warm vagina as hard as he could.
“Oh fuck! Kyle, that feels so good. Don’t stop.” whined Harper.
There was no way he would hold out long, but he would find a way to please his wife. He reached under her shirt and fondled her soft breasts and firm nipples. Her arms were around his neck as he rocked into her again and again. And then, he noticed a rapturous look on her face and had a moment of gut-wrenching clarity. She did this with another man, not in some distant nonthreatening past, but in the last week. Harper’s body tensed and Kyle seized up a moment after.
“GOD DAMN! FUCK!” cried Harper, shaking.
“EHHHH-GUHHHH!” Kyle moaned.
Harper smiled and kissed her husband lovingly about the forehead. She could feel his semen dribbling into her. When he started to nibble her earlobe, she could tell what he was trying to do. Between the two of them, her earlobe was a noteworthy erogenous zone. She knew, when he singled in on that spot, it was because he wanted her to orgasm. It made sense that he would want that after her confession, so she gave him what he wanted. The operation wasn’t too complicated; she was turned on and the sex did feel good. Even so, it wasn’t going to happen for real, especially with Kyle’s hastened pace. The hardest part was deliberately tensing the muscles in her vagina, but she managed. And, for the first time in her life, Harper faked an orgasm.
The young couple held each other for a long time afterwards, imagining that they had somehow overcome their self-imposed crisis, but the consequences of their choices were only just beginning.
“Are you still in touch with Mr. S— Mathias?” asked Kyle.
In the afterglow and in his wife’s arms he felt safe to ask more questions.
“No, we agreed it wouldn’t be ongoing, and I didn’t want to complicate things.” Harper said, happy in her husband’s arms.
“So, you only had sex that night?”
Never in Harper’s life had she wanted to lie so badly, but never in her life did the truth seem so necessary. She had always been an exceedingly honest person, but that honesty had previously come easily. She didn’t take big risks and always followed the rules, until recently. Occasionally her direct nature could chafe her relationships, but at least she knew who she was. When faced with a hard choice she stayed true to herself. But now, staying true to herself meant admitting that, even if it wasn’t intentional, she might have misled the person she loves most.
“No, that wasn’t the only time I had sex with him.”
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