My journey with prexisting bicuriousity and cuck feelings[cuckold] [bicurious]

(Semi fun,semi kinky,semi serious account. Isnt that 3/2 xd) sometimes I feel like indulging in bi feelings or how i like to put it,indulge also in sexual acts that involve other men but i consider myself straight. Now that would be gay & hence me bi? Yeah,kindof. But i would say not neccessarily. Now i dont know the way gay or queer folks experience the desire to indulge in romantic and/or sexual life with other guys as i am not gay. Or am I given that U have indulged in desires or thoughts of or felt desires like wanting to be absolutely rammed through my holes by maybe but not neccessarily a bigger guy who holds my neck like I hold my girlfriends when I fuck her from behind like the slut women are(and so are men. men are in action obviously much bigger sluts of epic proportions. Theres a reason there r stereotypes of men fuck anything(I dont tho but it depends on the mood). A lot of men barely even have any principle or standard on what kind of women they wanna sleep with. While women are much more selective and have more depth and standards in the way they look at sex and romance. This doesnt mean men arent romantic or lack depth. Infact i think men r or atleast think they r even more romantic than women. Also much more women(most) are able to make men finish while most or many men are not able to make women finish with women even fake moaning and a large majority reporting acting out fake orgasms) i absolutely love slutty women(which lets be honest are refered to as sluts for the simple act of wanting to enjoy sex with men they find fuckable by their taste). Sometimes sex is crude & animalistic(think abt ramming your girlfriend’s cunt from behind while holding her hair as hard as her and your body allows, sex is sometimes teaseful, sometimes voyeuristic, sometimes even evil,sadistic or maschoistic. But what is certain is sex or atleast good sex is always twisted & messy. You think of experiences or acts that u would not in general routine life. You hold your girlfriend’s hair(whom u deeply love & admire) as hard as your hand and her desire allows,your ram her face into the cushions of your room or whatever cheap hotel room u have brought her to be used,you admire her curves from behind purely as a sculpted body to be fucked with no concern for face,infact u push her face into the cushion to just look at the fine piece of female meat-specimen u have at your disposal. She is your girlfriend. You wish to marry her and raise her kids perhaps. She is your soul mate and u admire everything about her. Her body,her mind,her spirit. Yet at this moment,she is just a little female slut/bitch infront of her,tempting you with her bent ass like a whore. Heres your well spoken, articulate,smart,loving,somwtimws modest and uptight as women often have to be or r conditioned to be and loving girlfriend submitting her ass to you for you to ram her holes from behind like a free use slut,just for you. Right now she too probably at some point she just wants a man(whose face she doesnt even see when getting fucked in doggy style) who is desperately desires to fuck the shit out of her and then have him ram his thick dick inside her thirsty cunt now dripping with pussy saliva. She has perhaps spent time trying to sculpt her body as she desires and now wants a man or basically a dick to take full advantage of it. She wants to be fucked like a slut by her man whom she loves and knows is loved by,loved truly. Loved & cared for. We both know this. But here is her ass presented to you like a gift summoning all spirits of sexual ecstasy. When the spirit of the Greek goddess of sex,Aphrodite(also goddess of love, beauty, pleasure, and procreation all of which i think is deeply embedded in the cuck fantasies) permeates the spirit of a mortal,desires of a sort so messy,sexy & wild are freed into the mind from the heterogeneous stream of our subconscious Aphrodite spirit. So again what does this have to with me being straight. In mathematics straight on a 2d x-y axis graph would be a linear straight line drawn across 2 points,hence connecting them. But life is neither linear and neither straight at 90 degrees. Comes and goes in waves. Sometimes rhythmic,sometimes noise. But always in a spectrum from rhythmic to noisy to musical to constant to linear. Sometimes like sine and consine waves in a graph. So yes i am straight and I have always fw heavy the shape,form,spirit & everything women. I have loved them. I have wanted to fuck the shit outta them like the little or thick or curvy or petite or brown or black or white or wheatish or latin or greek or brit or aussie or jamaican cocksluts they r. But sometimes i too wish to be fucked and submit to a guy ramming my ass. But i wouldnt kiss a guy. I may suck his cock. I may have him fuck me like a god sent slut. But i have never wished to a kiss a guy. Or even make out over the body. Now in a gay dynamic,theres a top & a bottom. So top is the one fucking. And bottom likes to get fucked. In a cuck dynamic,in some equations, bulls fuck or get their dick sucked by the cuck. So in this parallel the bull would be a top gay and the cuck would be a bottom gay. But do we look at bulls as gay? We do but not as strongly or prominently. Now theres always a humiliation and shame aspect associated with sexual experience i think. Sometimes they even arise from trauma like assault trauma in some victims might also bring up cnc(consensual non consensual) fantasies but that doesnt neccessarily mean that trauma is the sole reason for such kinks as these desires can arise from many places in many different forms. Varying from one woman to another with their own different cnc kinks with own roleplay plots and kink limits and triggers. Life is messy and sex is the theatre or bedroom where the messiness plays itself out free,wild,loving or twisted! So no i aint gay even tho i wohld suck the shit of a cock if i feel like it and get pumped by it like a fuckable whore. This is also where for example i fantasize abt wanting to wear slutty dresses like a sissy or femboy and then get fucked by a man who might also then fuck my girlfriend. But then i would akso fuck the shit out of someone elses woman and make both of them feel psychologically humiliated and put in their place if the mood arises for everyone involved for something like that. But generwlly i wish to ram throught cunts and also see the love of my life be rammed,touched,flirted with,desired,kissed,humped and fucked by as many men as she desires! The point is that sex is fun and messy. So am i top,bottom? Cuck,bull? Bisexual,bucurious? Straight,gay? Dominating,submissive? Who cares? Mostly cuck but sometimes bull! Mostly straight but sometimes want to be rammed like a slut both in my ass and mouth! But i dont desire giving a guy a handjob for some reason! Straight women also love to peg their boyfriends and many straight men enjoy that. So what kind of an equation is this? Is the lady top gay? Trans? Is the guy bottom gay? Is he trans? Very homophobic Straight men often slap their buddys ass and call it bromance. Men hug after sports etc. is that gay? Is bromance gay and at when it becomes gay? Boils down to intent but akso the fact that sex is messy. In a bromance equation the ass in the slap or a banter abt ur friend behind sexy or having a big dick in locker room talk does have the actual sexual compliment angle as for example a gay guy slapping his partners ass. But it also has the intent of friendship and bromance. But isnt there an intent of teaseful banter involved when a gay man slaps his partners ass? Is it all sexual? It isnt. Similarly is the slap in the ass by the straight man on his friends ass. Is it all friendship? It isnt. So friendship,banter or a sexual act? Its messy. At some points we do come up with categories as it helps us communicate better or provides us with useful shorthands to explain a more complex picture. Hence yeah i am “straight”. I am. The category does apply on me. But as we just saw categories r useful shorthands for the purpose of language. Those categories arent discreet but overlapping and continous and sometimes even discreet or separated.