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Billy’s POV
I walked for twenty minutes before I realized I didn’t have the car keys. Sara had driven us here.
I stopped under a streetlamp, hands shoved deep in my pockets, trying to catch my breath in the cold air. My phone wouldnt stop buzzing. Then a string of messages.
Sara: I’m outside waiting. Please don’t make me leave without you. Billy I’m sorry I’m not leaving until we talk
I stared at the screen until it went dark. My thumb hovered over the reply box, then locked the phone instead. I started walking again.
Another buzz. This time a call. I let it ring out.
Ten minutes later headlights crawled up behind me, slow, like the driver was afraid I’d bolt. The window rolled down. “Get in,” Sara said quietly. She was wearing one of Luke’s old hoodies now, sleeves pulled over her hands. Her makeup was gone, eyes red. “Please.” I kept walking. The car rolled beside me. “Billy, it’s late and you’re crying on the side of the road. Get in the damn car.” I stopped. She was right. I looked ridiculous. I got in.
The silence was brutal. She pulled away from the curb, hands tight on the wheel. After three blocks I finally spoke. “Did you fuck him?” She didn’t flinch. “Yes.” Just like that. No sugar-coating. My chest caved in, but I’d known the answer before I asked.
Did you both finish? Yes and I didn’t stop him from finishing inside.” I stared straight ahead. The streetlights blurred into streaks. I laughed once, short and ugly. “Of course he did.”
Sara’s voice cracked. “I thought you were okay with it. You kept saying it was fine. You were hard the whole night”
“Because I’m broken, Sara!” I shouted. “Not because I wanted it!” She pulled over sharply. She put the car in park. Turned to me. “I didn’t know where the line was,” she said, tears spilling now. “You never drew one. You just kept nodding and smiling like if you pretended hard enough it wouldn’t hurt.”
I couldn’t look at her.
“Tell me what you saw when you came out of that closet,” I said, voice flat. She wiped her cheek with the sleeve. “Kevin smiling like he won something. Me feeling… disgusting and desired at the same time. And you standing there like you were already gone.”
I nodded slowly.
“I hated myself the second the door opened,” she said. “But I hated you a little too. For letting it happen.”
That hit hard.
“I didn’t let anything happen,” I said. “I just… didn’t stop it.”
“Same thing.”
“I still feel dirty” she whispered suddenly. “I can still feel him inside me. When I walk. When I sit. I can still feel where he” She stopped, choked. “I took a shower at Luke’s and I still feel him.”
I closed my eyes.
“I don’t know what that makes me,” she said. We sat there for a long minute. Finally I spoke, barely audible. “Take me home. I just can’t be in this car with you anymore tonight.” She started driving again. Ten minutes of silence. When she pulled up to my apartment, I got out without a word. She rolled the window down.
“Billy”
I paused at the door.
“I love you,” she said. “I don’t know what version of us is left after tonight. But I still love you.” I looked back at her. Really looked. Mascara tracks, trembling lip, the hoodie swallowing her frame. “I don’t know if that’s enough anymore,” I said.
Then I walked inside and shut the door. I stood in the dark hallway for a long time, listening to her car idle outside. Five minutes. Ten. Finally the engine shut off. A door opened and closed. Footsteps on the stairs. Soft knocking and I didn’t move. The knocking stopped. Something slid under the door it was her key to my place, the one she’d had for a year. Then footsteps walking away. I stared at that key on the floor until the sun came up.
Thanks for your patience on this one. As I continue this story.
More to come…..
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