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Sara’s POV
Day 1- I sat in Luke’s guest bathroom for forty-three minutes after Billy walked out. Door locked. Shower running so no one would hear me sob. I kept replaying the moment the closet door opened. Kevin’s smug grin, the wet shine on his cock, Billy’s face going blank. I scrubbed myself raw with a loofah until my skin burned, but I could still feel Kevin inside me. When I finally came out, Amanda handed me a hoodie and didn’t ask questions.
Day 2- I called in sick to work. Curled on the couch in Billy’s old art-class sweatshirt that still smelled like him. I opened my phone a hundred times to text him. Typed: I’m disgusting. Deleted it. Typed: I didn’t mean for it to go that far. Deleted it. Typed: I saw you hard and I thought it was permission. Kept that one in drafts.
Day 3 – Amanda showed up with coffee and sat on my floor. She didn’t sugar-coat it. “You hurt him in a way most guys don’t come back from.” I cried so hard I threw up in the kitchen sink. She held my hair and said, “But he’s still answering Luke. That means something.” I clung to that like a lifeline.
Day – I found the black lace thong missing from my laundry. Realized Billy must have taken it. The thought of him keeping it (angry, heartbroken, jerking off to it, hating himself for jerking off to it) made me so wet I had to change my panties. Then I cried again because what kind of monster gets turned on by that?
Day 5 – I had a dream that Billy forgave me. We were back in the closet, but this time he was watching through the crack in the door. He was stroking himself while Kevin fucked me. When I woke up my hand was between my legs and I was moaning his name. I came so hard and I hated myself for it.
Day 6 – I wrote him a letter I never sent. Billy, I keep thinking about the moment I walked into that closet. I keep wishing I’d turned around. I keep wishing you’d grabbed my hand and dragged me out. I keep wishing I deserved you. I saw how hard you were the whole night. I told myself it meant you wanted it too. I was wrong. Or maybe I was right and that’s even worse. Either way, I broke us. I don’t know how to fix something when I’m still turned on by how it broke. I miss the way you used to look at me like I was the only person in the room. Now when I close my eyes I see you standing outside that door, small and hard and destroyed. I did that. I don’t know who I am anymore. But I know I don’t want to be the girl who exists without you. I’m so sorry.
I burned it in the sink and watched the smoke curl like everything good between us going up in flames.
Day 7 – I drove to his apartment at 2 a.m. just to sit in the parking lot. Saw his kitchen light on. Sat there until dawn like a stalker. Left before he could see me. Day 8 – Kevin texted. Kevin – Told him the truth. He needed to hear it from someone who wasn’t you. He’s a mess but he’s not done with you. Don’t waste it.
I hated Kevin for fucking me. I hated him more for maybe being the only one brave enough to say it out loud.
Day 9 – I refreshed our chat every thirty seconds. When Billy’s message finally came through I was on the bathroom floor, knees to chest.
Billy – We need to talk. But I don’t know what version of me is going to show up. The one who wants to fix this… or the one who wants to watch it burn.
I stared at those words until they stopped making sense. Then I typed back with shaking fingers.
Sara – I’ll take either one. I’m already burning.
I threw on shoes, didn’t bother with a bra, just his old hoodie and leggings. Grabbed my keys. Stopped at the door and looked back at the apartment that used to feel like “ours” even when it was only mine. I whispered to the empty room: “Please don’t let me ruin him completely.” Then I walked out into the night to find out which version of us was still alive.
More to come…..
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