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Before talking about what happened in our relationship after everything, I wanted to answer some comments asking about pregnancy and STDs. She took several tests, and thankfully everything came back fine. And in the few times we talked about that night at the swing club, it was only to discuss the irresponsibility and the risks it could’ve caused to her health.
About my cheating at the beginning of last month, that brought even more problems into the relationship. I didn’t take long to admit what happened, and things between us got colder than ever. She didn’t want a divorce, but we were basically living together just to live together, without much affection. I felt like I acted purely on emotion. At first it felt like revenge, but then I just felt like an idiot, because I did everything without telling her and without her permission (when it was her turn at the club, I did allow her to have sex with another guy — although she messed up by not using a condom). And to make it worse, I started feeling stupid, because I opened the door for her to do the same, and she eventually did.
Well, I’m not naïve. I already expected she might do the same thing I did. And even though I felt dumb, this time I didn’t get angry. On the contrary, I had already seen her with other men before, and our relationship wasn’t the same anymore, we hadn’t had sex in a long time. The experience in the “liberal lifestyle” kind of prepared me for what could happen. But even then, I still feared she’d act on pure lust instead of thinking straight and end up doing it raw again.
And it didn’t take long before she started going out again, and every time she came home, she’d mention the size of the condom that had been used. At first I had no idea where she was going; only later she told me she was going back to the same swing club, and to the same gloryhole booth (which actually made sense, since it’s more private — like I mentioned in the previous post, she’s really shy when she’s not turned on, so I doubted she’d hit on someone in a regular club).
At that point, I didn’t know whether our relationship was “toxic” or if it was just her trying to keep that liberal side of her alive. Until I finally asked if she was doing all that to get revenge or not, and how she felt about everything, and whether our relationship could restart or if it was on life support. She told me she didn’t ask for a divorce because she still loved me, but she blamed me for the distance between us.
We eventually sorted out all the issues we had. She told me she had gotten back to having sex with Isaac and with other men (using condoms) at the swing club. This time, I only felt turned on by how naughty she had been. We got our sex life back on track last week and, for now, we’re focusing on improving the relationship and leaving the liberal lifestyle aside.
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