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A week had passed. Exams were now finished, the campus slowly emptying out for the summer – and my obsession with Claire somehow was growing even stronger.
Most of that week had been spent either locked in my dorm room or sitting in silent exam halls finishing my finals.
General Chemistry. Intro Biology. Calculus. University Writing.
The usual freshman pre-med gauntlet.
Strangely enough, I thought I’d done pretty well on the exams.
I thought all that time fantasizing about Claire would have impacted my grades, but I’d even managed to turn my fixation into motivation.
Over the past few weeks, those recordings I’d captured of Claire getting railed became my sole masturbation material. At the same time, I’d completely lost interest in trying to hook up with anyone else.
So between the recordings and the sudden drought in my actual dating life, I was now jacking off several times a day, with audio of Claire repeating through my headphones while staring at photos of her and any guy I imagined her with.
Now those audio recordings were used as a ‘treat’ to incentive studying.
Want to jerk off to Claire begging a guy to fuck her ass harder? Better finish two chapters of the biology textbook first.
Interested in jacking it to the audio of a guy telling Claire how tight her pussy was and that he was going to bust already? Well, Ethan, you better finish those chemistry flash cards first.
It was a stupid system, but it worked. Between the self-imposed rewards and the constant need to keep myself busy, I probably studied more in the past week than I had the entire semester.
Whenever the temptation got too distracting, I’d pack up my laptop and head to the library, planting myself in the middle of a crowded study floor where there was absolutely no chance I’d do anything stupid.
Now exams were over.
The last weekend before everyone scattered for the summer had arrived, and tonight, Saturday night, there was a huge end-of-year party being thrown at a house a couple of mutual friends of Claire and I rented just off campus.
Claire had asked me earlier in the week if I was planning on going.
I told her I was.
And she said something I didn’t expect:
“You know Kelly’s going too,” Claire said casually. “Why don’t you take her as your date, Ethan?”
Kelly was one of Claire’s closer friends, and one of the girls she’d be living with next year. She was attractive enough – a short blonde with green eyes and one of those skinny-thick bodies that still somehow had a great ass, but compared to Claire… she barely registered on any front.
Hell, there had been nights when we all went out as a group and Kelly, a few drinks in, would jokingly complain to me that she always had to wait for Claire to make the first move on a guy before she could even try. Most of the time every guy in the room had their eyes on Claire anyway.
“Kelly? A date?” I said, sounding like a fish gasping for air.
Claire was trying to set me up?
I’d had a vague suspicion before that Kelly might be into me based on a few past interactions, but it was never something I’d really pursued.
“Yeah! Why not?” Claire replied, practically beaming like she’d just arranged the perfect match. “You’ve been locked in your room studying for weeks. I barely see you anymore. It feels like forever since you had a girl over. You deserve some fun.”
How could I tell Claire that I was enjoying some action – but it was her with various different guys she was bringing over?
“Sure,” I said after a moment. “I guess I’d be open to that.”
Even to my own ears, I sounded a little unsure.
“Ah-mazing,” Claire said with a grin. “Kelly’s going to be excited. She’s coming by my dorm around six before the party so we can get ready together. Then the three of us can head over.”
Great. Apparently I was so deep in the friend zone now that Claire felt the need to play matchmaker and set me up with her friends. Kelly had a bit of a reputation for being an easy lay. Claire clearly felt I needed one.
I got ready, throwing on a pair of khakis and a short-sleeve button-down. The Northeast weather had finally turned for the better, warm enough that I could ditch the jackets and long sleeves for once.
I sighed as I checked myself in the mirror.
I’d told myself that tonight would be the night I finally admitted my feelings to Claire.
And somehow I’d already managed cockblock myself by agreeing, on Claire’s insistence, to go to the party with Kelly.
I couldn’t exactly show up and say, “Thanks for setting me up with your friend… by the way, I’m actually in love with you.”
This wasn’t a rom-com. I knew that wouldn’t end well.
Still, as I headed down the hall toward Claire’s room, my pulse picked up the same way it had the last few weekends. Even though I was just going there to meet her and Kelly, I got that same adrenaline rush I get walking past her door late at night. It became conditioned now. Like a modern day Pavlovian dog.
My body reacted before my brain could catch up, and I had to force myself to think about literally anything else to stop the beginnings of an ill-timed erection.
I was surprised to see Claire’s dorm room door already open.
Kelly was inside, sitting on the edge of Claire’s bed, scrolling through her phone.
She looked up when I walked in.
Kelly was wearing high-waisted dark denim jeans with a black top and a loose flannel draped over her shoulders, the kind of casual party outfit that was everywhere around campus. Her blonde hair was curled loosely, and she’d clearly spent time on her makeup.
“Hey, Ethan,” she said, her voice a little playful as she gave me a quick once-over. “Claire’s just finishing getting ready in the bathroom.”
“Oh, sweet,” I said, leaning casually against the doorframe. “I’ve been so locked in studying the last few weeks that I could really use a few drinks tonight.”
“Same,” Kelly said with a grin. “One last night to let loose before everyone disappears for the summer.”
She adjusted the hem of her jeans slightly as she stood up.
Admittedly, she looked good.
But then I felt someone step up behind me.
I turned and saw Claire.
She was wearing a tight black going-out top with thin straps and a pair of light-wash ripped jeans that hugged her hips perfectly, finished off with white sneakers and a simple gold necklace. Her long blonde hair fell loosely over her shoulders like she hadn’t tried too hard.
Compared to Kelly’s look, Claire’s somehow felt effortless.
And devastating.
“Right on time as always, Ethan,” Claire said with a bright smile as she grabbed her phone from the desk.
“Alright,” she continued, clapping her hands once. “Let’s go.”
The house was already packed when we arrived.
Music thumped through the walls, the air thick with heat and the smell of cheap beer. Someone had dragged speakers into the living room, and people were packed shoulder to shoulder around a makeshift dance floor.
Within about thirty seconds of arriving, Claire, always the bubbly and extroverted butterfly, disappeared.
One moment she was beside us grabbing a drink from the kitchen counter, the next she’d spotted someone across the room and drifted off into the crowd with a quick “I’ll be right back.”
So Kelly and I ended up hanging out, talking to a couple of my friends, playing some Mario Kart, and taking a few shots together.
All the while, I was keeping an eye on Claire’s location and the people she was chatting with, wondering if and how I could have a conversation alone with her. I would be lying if I also didn’t notice the guys she was talking with, wondering if one of them would be the lucky one to bed her tonight.
A few hours into the night, Kelly and I ended up leaning against the wall near the hallway, red cups in hand. Kelly placed her hand on my cheek, and she leaned in – for a second, me thinking for a kiss – but actually to whisper:
“You’ve been staring at her all night, you know.”
“What?” I looked back at her.
She nodded past me. “Claire.”
My stomach tightened. “I wasn’t-”
“Relax,” Kelly said with a small smile. “It’s not exactly subtle.”
I followed her gaze without thinking.
Across the room, Claire was talking to some tall white guy with wavy ash brown hair that I didn’t recognize. They were standing close, too close for casual conversation. He leaned down to say something in her ear, and Claire laughed, resting a hand lightly on his.
Kelly noticed where I was looking.
“You know she doesn’t see you like that, right?” she said.
The words landed harder than I expected.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“We’ve talked about it before. She thinks you’re great, Ethan. Like… a really good friend.” She paused, taking a sip of her drink. “She said she’d never want to mess that up.”
Something in my chest sank. So I guess it was true then. Claire didn’t think of me as anything more than a friend. All the hope I’d been building up for weeks seemed to collapse at once.
Across the room, Claire tossed her hair back as the guy said something else that made her laugh.
It was over.
In a few minutes Claire would probably be upstairs with that guy, the door closed and my chance to bring up my feelings squandered. Either way, Kelly had just told me Claire would have shot me down anyway.
“So,” Kelly said, nudging my arm lightly, “are you going to keep staring at her all night, or should you and I have some fun and help you forget about her?”
Her words barely registered at first. I was still watching as the guy reached for Claire’s hand.
She let him take it.
They started moving toward the stairs.
My eyes followed them through the crowd, the two of them weaving between people until they reached the hallway that led upstairs.
In a few seconds, Claire would be behind one of those bedroom doors.
The thought hit me like a switch flipping on in my head.
Kelly’s offer finally caught up with the rest of my brain.
I turned back toward her.
“You’re absolutely right,” I said.
Kelly raised an eyebrow, curious.
“Why don’t we take it upstairs,” I added, leaning a little closer so she could hear me over the music, “so we can talk somewhere a little more… private.”
For a split second, Kelly studied my face.
Then she smiled and leaned to give me a quick peck.
“Lead the way.”
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