Our first cuckold session broke me [Real] [28m/28F/36M]

We’re both 28 years old, been married for 3 years.

We got married pretty young, decided we didn’t want kids but got bored with sex pretty fast. Short story is she’s much more experienced than me (she’s my 1 and only).

We slowly started talking about sharing her with another man. It excited both of us, and she was okay with it as long as I was. It started as talk of a threesome, and we found someone on tinder that she liked that had experience with couples and came off as a professional. We did the whole thing, he emailed us his test results and vice versa and we showed him my wife had an IUD.

Closer to the date we arranged, after learning more about this guy, I realized I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I cum fast, get tired quick, and don’t usually cum more than once a session. We both knew that our goal with this was for me to get cucked but neither wanted to say it because, well, not many men proudly call themselves a cuck. But I ended up messaging the guy and let him know I’ll mostly be observing which he was cool with.

The day comes and it fucking broke me. I came 3 times, cried for almost an hour and I was having mood swings. Idk if they were mood swings but it was me going back and forth with myself that this was okay.

He met us up at the hotel room after we already arrived. He shook my hand, hugged my wife, we poured a few drinks before he started making out with my wife. And from there it was on.

Even when I was maxed out on horniness I felt weird about the whole thing. The way he was fucking my wife was degrading, animalistic and brutal. But more shocking was my wife’s reaction, she was completely into it, she was verbal as hell, yelling “fuck me” and telling him how much she loved his dick… He did not hold back, it felt like the whole room was moving. He had her lifted up against the balcony window at one point and I thought the glass was going to break every time he thrusted.

I thought my wife would be in pain and I was growing concerned but she has the biggest smile on her face and was actively screaming how much she loved it. She said very provacative things.

At one point, while he was fucking her doggy, he picked her up with his dick still inside her and carried her over to me. He dropped her head on my lap and fucked her right in front of me. My wife took my hand in hers and looked me in the eye, she smiled and then all hell broke loose when he stopped holding back. With every thrust her eyes went wider, screams got louder and her hands tightened in grip. She buried her head in my lap but he grabbed her hair and pulled her head up to look at me while he continued pounding her. It was devastating seeing this but I was so turned on I came all over my lap and her head.

After I came a 2nd time I had to go outside. I cried. I felt so fucking pathetic and shitty. When I went back in, they weren’t done. She was covered in cum, sweat and spit. It got me hard again. After I came the 3rd time I just sat in the corner and scrolled on my phone till they were done.

He was done for the night. We were all supposed to stay in the room together for the night but I asked him to leave. He was actually really nice, told us he respects our boundaries and if we felt he did anything wrong, to let him know. I told him he did nothing wrong, but I was feeling weird this being the first time and he understood.

My wife was dick drunk on the bed. I had to wipe her face off with a wet towel and tuck her in.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I felt so weird. We’re holding off on this for now. I’m broken because I feel so sad I let this happen but at the same time when I think about it, I get so turned on and jerk off. I haven’t had sex with my wife since. I’ve seen how she is with another man and it’s nothing like how she has sex with me, and it just doesn’t interest me anymore. She’s empathetic towards me, said we never have to do that again and it could be a distant memory. But I can never forget, and what’s more is, there’s a battle within myself about whether this happens again or not. I feel pathetic and sad that I can’t please my wife.

What should I do, how do I proceed? For those in a similar situation, did things ever get better?